My Will

A few had commented on why did I write such thin in my previous entry , My Will.

Thing is, I don’t know what triggered me.

It could be the palm.

I know it is wrong to believe the palm reading. My palm was read when I was 15 by a Chinese karate-do friend. It is said that I didn’t live long.

Recently, my palm was read by an Indian palm reader. (that sounds like PDA). She was shocked to see that I am still alive to now. She said that according to the lines, I should have gone when I was 28.

I didn’t believe in those two. Yet,, didn’t it occur to you that you could go when you are 28. What’ll you do if you know?

It could be the organ donor.

I am arranging an organ donor campaign, which specify that your organs will be disseminated to those who is in much need. So, what if I go now? Will they delay my funeral ? what’ll The Man feel knowing that he should wait for my organs to be distributed to bury me?

It could be the prayers answered.

Early this year, I prayed hard to Almighty that He’ll show me sign that I need to feel closer to Him. Perhaps, this is the sign. Perhaps, by thinking of death made me think of Him more.

It could be ‘the friend’.

You see, I had a friend whom I really treasured but work in a ‘competing division’. ‘Competing’ is not really the word but if I reveal more, he’ll know. He is one of who I respect most for his wit, his generosity , the one who introduced me to blogging. He has been complaining about his boss, who have been kicking around unpleasantly. We both agreed that the boss is an arse, until recently he turned his back on me and join his boss kicking us. I couldn’t just believe it. I couldn’t deny that I feel that I am backstabbed. I couldn’t. I don’t know why, but it hurts me deep now that he has done it. Least thing I could do is believing that he knows what he is doing. So what is that get to do with dying? Thing is, that really put me down, I feel so disappointed to the points that I nearly cried. Perhaps my mengada self was thinking that if I die, will he know that he has made me sad?

Okay. Enough reasons.

Thinking about it, when we were in boarding school, everytime we were about to go home for semester break, everytime that I wait for the 5:30 bus to come and pick us to Puduraya, I will always think that how if I die on road? Thus, you may find a letter in my locker to my family and friends, saying how sorry and much I love them, that little things they do for me are valuable. Two reasons : One I really believed that I might die on the road. Second, the whole hostel seemed so quiet when everybody has gone home except for the North and East students. The whole quietness always seemed to bring my thought to death.

I know a few of you do not like it when my blogs seems gloomy. You guys like funny stories, the cutu things that little boy did, the hot gossip, the bitching.

We’ll have a lot more than that.