Blogging Honestly

Could possibly some friendships got tarnished after one reads the other's blog?
What would some says when they read what I wrote?

I occasionally receive, "You gotta delete that, it's too sensitive", "That's so revealing about the job you do", from the Man and end up correcting.

Whilst I am very very adamant about living your life honestly, I believe that there are hearts to be taken care of, relationships to be considered.

My advise would be to maintain a separate blog where you can just write about anything. Eveytime you write an entry, write them in the normal blog and quickly publish your entry. (You won't get the best out of your entries if you do it in the Word and keep edit and re-edit). View your blog and see whether it would be "the entry" that will hurt people. If you feel it is, transfer to that secret blog you have.

Isn't it just hard to be honest?

His New City!

As I am blogging, the Man is out of the house, picking up his new Honda City!

Alhamdullilah, the other car is finally here after a 5 months hunting.

Fever's Gone

Alhamdullilah, the fever is finally gone. I don’t know what cured it at the end, the antibiotic obviously doesn’t. He was three days on that antibiotic and still no change. So it could be:
1. the wheat grass drink he sipped.
2. the other cough syrup K Endon fed.
3. the rectal paracetamol.

Anyways, I’m just glad I could see him laugh again. Suddenly I feel the sun shines down on me, again. Isn’t it a wonder to come home to a smiling kid?

Grey's Anatomy

Grey’s Anatomy

I wish you guys could see this. This series is just awesome. Did I blog about it is a combination of Scrubs( plus the humor) and ER? Sometimes it has some mysteries to solve like the one in Medical Investigation (and Medical Investigation is the combination of CSI and ER). Plus you got to see some action like the one in the Sex in the City!

Okay. The main character is Dr. Meredith Grey. Her mom is a famous surgeon, but now suffering of Alzhemeir. She and a bunch of other new surgeon are interns at this one hospital. Three surgeon at the hospital is one black woman, Burke and one hot male whom Meredith had a one night stand with. The other interns, one interesting character, I feel, is Dr. Yang, an American Korean. Her hair is like all over the place but she’s like the most keen one. Dr. Model a.k.a Bethany Whisper is a part-time model, finished paying up the USD200,000 study loan but being laughed here and there among the interns. Those three ladies are my favorite character.

You see, the intern surgeons are much much more energetic and high spirited than the New Engineers at my company. They fought for scrapping session (standing beside an operating table beside a surgeon, get to look at all the procedures done and end up stiching), waited eagerly to be called to an operating theatre and never wanted to miss a chance of witnessing a surgeon done (from a room located above the operating theatre with clear glass to see what’s going on inside the theatre).

Sometimes they have to deal with the emotional part of the job, telling the patients or the patients’ families about what and what nots. I think this part is the hardest, harder than reading numerous books on every tiny little thing inside a human’s body.

Of couse one of things that excite me is the romance building up between Meredith and her mentor.

Catch Grey's Anatomy at Star70 every Wednesday 9:00 to 10:00. Cheh macam iklan pulak!

Just Wish

Ouch That Hurts!

I just know from Sob The Rie that MizAnoi claimed that she can’t do certain work because simply she can’t get some data from me. She claimed that even the MD knows that her and I are not in talking terms!
She thinks that I feel that she’s a threat.

First, wasn’t her the first one who start the cold war?
Second, it hasn’t been smooth since she was outside the Team.

Pandai sunggu h la budak ni buat cerita… I was furious. Then thought it through and decided to just storm into her room the next day.

That is the day where she started talking to me back, simply because she need one customer’s address. She then was in the same bowling team with me during last week bowling’s match and happily giving me five everytime I hit spare.

You see, I’m tired of these acts she’s putting. Tired of living in the same office with her and let her have the power of communicating to me. I’m tired of running away, feeling hurt. I’m tired of blogging about what do I actually feel, just so that I won’t have to let all the feelings out in front of the colleagues. (reason simply because I don’t wanna be seen as the one who badmouth people at work… I draw a very thick line between personal feeling and work).. I just wish that she’s out of my life, forever, for good.

Just wish.

Welcome Back

Wanna welcome back Dayang n Ida..

Burn, Burn, Burn.

Little Azam Zikry was burning the whole day yesterday. Since last Thursday, the temperature tend to get higher at night and went normal during the days. But Sunday, he got him sitting next to him all the time.
Tuk Mama and Tuk Wan came for a visit and I got all the “You mustn’t”, “You should”, “You must”, “Cannot”.
We inserted the rectal paracetamol and he get to sleep thru the night after four previously endless nights. Endless nights filled with little arguements whether the towel shall be tepid water or warm water, whether the hair shall be dry so that he won't get flu, whether we should put on sweater or not...
..sigh...

Left Over Food

Do you eat your frozen left over?

The Man went through the freezer and was nagging all the time about all the food we froze and didn’t end up eating.
The thing is, I always hesitated serving the frozen.
Hesitated I always was, too, throwing them away.
So the energy was used to freeze to wash away the guilt of throwing away.

Blower’s Daughter by Damien Rice

Went to Berjaya Times Square (LRT Asia Jaya – KL Sentral RM2.00, Monoroal KL Sentral – Imbi RM1.60, not bad at all!) to pick my Mini O2, then thought of browsing around. Saw Border’s, passed thru two times, resisted going in but went in the third time I passed the store, by the way. Got myself a Damien Rice‘ album. Thought Blower’s Daughter is the most honest song of the year. Mostly are violin and guitar. You can almost hear him cry in the song.
I played it repeatedly this morning on the way to work and the emotion linger around within me.
Aggh… can’t take my mind of you….!

Bye bye Shidah

Shidah is going to Dubai tomorrow with Harris Sazwan and Sara Umaira!
Have a nice trip!!!

Ridzuan Razaai

I probably had spent gallons of ink writing this guy's name over and
over paper: behind text books, behind each note books, in pieces of
paper, colored papers, on my arms, accumulatively since I was 7. I grew
up thinking that I love him, that he is the one I look forward to
everyday we went to school, that I will one day marry him. He is the
first guy whose lips brushed mine It was an accident, we were like
practically colided each other when we were 9 (or was it 8?), but I
regard that as the first kiss I had, aahh.. so romantic. Few aunts got
married and spent Raya away from our homes, made me think that he is a
perfect match for me since we will be coming back to the same hometown
every Raya. I grew up thinking that I will marry someone from the same
hometown! I think he is meant for me, my house number was 32, so does
his (of course, from a different kampung). In the game of F.L.A.M.E.S.,
he (his full name) is a friend to me, and I am a friend to him, and we
ended up in L: LOVE. But his firs tname and my first name has a
different story, he is an enemy to me, and I wanna marry him (God that
was so true), we ended up admiring each other. Perhaps the second run
was much correct.
We were like the closest friends at school, top two pupils at the whole
darjah, and how could I be a girflriend to a close friend? When were
11, we grew apart, he was totally in a different world (because he moved
to a different class, sounds more like he moved to a different country
eh? *chuckled*). Then we stopped talking. The only time we talked is
during the prefect meetings, or when fixing the flags on the school
poles. I was so embarassed just to walk by his class just to see where
was he seated. But I caught him staring at me few times whenever he
passed me. In a way, I miss the times when we were seated next to each
other and just fought non-sensely whether cat should be an omnivor
instead of a carnivore. Two final years of my sekolah rendah was a sad
one. Plus, he has become more popular at school. He was like the
football , volleyball, badminton and all sort of other balls STAR. Me,
being an asthaematic child, sat quietly at the canteen when people were
talking about going for a match to another school with him. I was the
shy timid girl admiring him from outside the football field when our
school was the home. I think he run the fastest and kicks the most goals
(or perhaps I didn't understand the rule much) Rumor had that he even
had a pet sister. My heart was crushed, then I vowed to myself that the
day I tell him of how I feel will be the final day I live in a country
called Malaysia. (sooooooo dramatic!) The last day of sekolah rendah, I
sat at the staircase waiting for him just to say that he'll miss me. He
never did and I was the last to leave school.
So there I was, sitting on the staircase thinking that I will never love
another. (bear you that I was 12!). I vowed to myself that I will make
sure I get myself to the States and before flying off, I'll be reaching
him just to tell how much feelings I had had for him, and never, never
set my footback hometown again!
Yes, I did go to the States seven years later. No, he wasn't there to
say good bye, neither he knew I was flying. I was, of couse, was in
between relationships (eithers is not with him). I have forgotten the
vow I made of telling him and not coming back.
Until the day I printed my wedding invitation cards (of a wedding not
with him, and either of the two relationships I was in!). That is about
20 years after I silently declared my feelings to him. The day I
collected the boxes of the cards back home, he called and we met. Turned
out to be we were in the same neighbourhood near USJ. I was nervous
during dinner and told some stupid jokes just to cover things up. He was
practically quiet. He walked me to my car, still quiet. He looked at me
opened up my door, I stared at him and neither of us said any words. I
drove away, thinking that the feelings were never get told.
Then I had it. That night, I called him up again and poured the whole
thing. I started by saying that aren't you not sad that I am getting
married? Things then started to flow. I was no longer the shy timid girl
waiting for him at the staircase. I told him about the first kiss, he
didn't remember that. But he said he remembered kicking a ball hard to
an opponent who has been staring at me outside the football field. (did
he? I couldn't remember, or more that I didn't understand football
much!). He remembered a few things he did for me, and I couldn't recall
any of those, vice versa. Turned out to be that HE ACTUALLY LIKED ME TOO!
All the crushes I have for him are sweet memories. If we would have
became an item, and broke up, all the sweet memories would become
totally the opposite.
Ahhh.. my real puppy love. A plain cinta monyet unfinished. Or was it a
Perhaps Love?

Grey's Anatomy

New series alert!!

Now, I must try had to remember, was it at Star70 or AXN17? It is tonight (Wednesday night at 8:00)

Title shall be Grey's Anatomy. It's about a group of interns posted at a Hospital and assigned to various units, but still there are some other stuffs to be investigated. So it's like a combination of ER and CSI. Like Scrubs but not as foolish as that!

And a bit of sex too! So you may expect a few of Sex in the City scenes in the Hospital!!

Knife

The heart is our garden, and along with each action there is an intention that is planted like a seed. 

We can use a sharp knife to cut someone, and if our intention is to do harm, we will be a murderer. 

We can perform an almost identical action, but if we are a surgeon, the intention is to heal and save a life. 

The action is the same, yet depending on its purpose or intention, it can be either a terrible act or a compassionate act.

Jack Kornfield

Very High Volatile Matter!

I had trouble sleeping last Friday, since I got my BIG orgies during the discussion (more of lecture session) with one of the plants, its coordinator, our Senior VP and us.

It's about a product we sent to the plant that was purchased by the group. The price is about 50% lower than the current price. But the plant is complaining on the difficulty of using it. ( For security purpose, I have to avoid using words like combustion, fuel and such, and make this seems more like a manufacturing plant).

Its coordinator had been making noise. Frequently called the high Volatile Matter person, this very old, jumpy man is making it such a big deal that he doesn't want its former plant (yes, he ruled the plant once) to run on manual and use this product. Of couse when you are using a product, you have a setting tuned to your plant and you re-set your tunning for another product. No, boy, we don't wanna do that, screamed him at the end of the table as if he represent the plant still.

The Senior VP snapped him off, told him that he no longer runs the plant, told him to let go.

I feel ashamed on behalf of him, getting snapped in front of everybody on how to behave. Half of the room are much junior than him. We witnessed him staring blankly at the wall while the lecture went on.

But 90% of me feel good! God knows how much trouble he has caused to occur.

We won!

Clipperseep is listening to: Speed of Sound, Chris Martine father of Apple's in Cold Play.
Clipperseep has read the headline today: Think I did but can't remember, all I remember was Gynewth is pregnant again!

Gone Fishin'?

Mama and papa were at London for two weeks and coming back, the hottest news they were enquiring was about MAWI gone fishing with Diana Rafar. Seems like that is the hotter news than the 9th Malaysian Plan, which focused more on Agriculture, which I tot Papa would be much interested rather than the fishing story. .. sigh...

I am not gonna write about how the fan has claimed that Mawi's life is theirs, done bitching about that when I wrote about the two professionalism-and-humanity-gotta-be-brushed Journalist camping outside of Dato' Khalid's house. No.

This is like the biggest story of the weekend, that made me wonder upon again and again whether I should be telling. Any of you readers belong to Malay community and accustomed to Malay traditions and bicara mulut, appreciate your comment very much.

Let's just say that I know someone (BIL) too well and his family too well too. His mom is one figure Mother and loved all the kids to death. Then BIL got engaged to a rich girl after serious period of dating for about 3 years. BIL was working with a company (bumiputra, of course) who seldom pay salary on time and things were difficult for him. But that serious period of dating was really a fun time for him, he came back late every night and spent weekends away from home. He always came back with bags from the Mall with new shirts or pants or just stuffs. Things were kicking in for BIL and the girlfriend until they decided to get engaged. The girl went with the mom and searched for the engagement ring and sent the receipt to BIL's mom. Then they went again to buy baju melayu and kain sepasang and, sent the receipt to BIL's mom. She hinted the dowry shall be more than RM12,000 I think and they started having arguements. I mean for a girlfriend, she can see the he can provide everything. But when it comes to real marriage, she started to see all the flaws in BIL but they carried on with the engagement anyway.

Then they stopped going out. Each phone calls were dry and tensed. BIL was working hard and got a new job but the tense has grown stronger in the relationship. I pitied the girl for being raised in a rich family and feeling afraid being poor.

Now, BIL, abandoned by the fiancee is alone and lonely. BIL's mom cried her heart out seeing the son being hurt. He spent weekends at home. No more calls that can light up his eyes.

Good look he has, we started to see him coming home with expensive gifts and chocolates. There were like one week anniversary gift, one month gift, and cards. We were happy to see him happy until BIL's mom decided that it's time to break the engagement officially. The parents (both his and hers)met and discuss but still leaving the final decision to the kids. Still, the girl was like refusing to let go. I think it's a good thing that BIL started seeing someone new and was looking forward for a day when he brings home the new girl.

Until a few days ago when a friend of mine who worked at the same place of BIL's called me and we had the kind of talk , "Oh ya you happened to know someone that I work with?". And she told me about the new girl BIL was seeing.

She, the new girl was actuall married with a son. People were talking, since they know both are alread tied to other people. People saw them in the car making out, going out for lunch.

What shall I do? Shall I stay out of it and pretend nothing happens?

What would you do if you were me? If BIL's mom is actually your mom? Wouldn't you want to know?



Clipperseep has read the headline today: two person dies in a boat crash, escape from juvenile prison.

Bureaucracy: Just a Bunch of People Who Need to Be Recognized.

Wonder why the boats are untouched for 8 months? Don’t be. Those are the real examples of how so called powerful people need to be praised, appraised and recognized. They have nothing actually, if you turn your back. They just to be there, ineffective as they could be, to say something out of the research paper you’ve done.

Same goes with my tenders.

Was reading Nissan Revival Plan by Philip Ghoss, the man who revived Nissan when Nissan was going nearly on the verge of declaring bankruptcy. Nissan’s weakest mistake is it has so much of these elderlies sitting in the committee as the Advisor. Turn out to be the real project owners then don’t feel like they are responsible, like they own their failure(s) and/or success(s). Who would be, if the The Mighty Advisors tend to say another thing of what you have believe and you have no choice but to follow them?
The action taken back then was to discard all these Advisors and look where’s Nissan now.

By the way, it is one book I will never throw away.

MiZAnoi Story Mory Again

Hello people, not so great news! MizAnoi has started talking to me again! Clap clap clap People, people, … please, make you deepest bow to the great Clipperseep.

Okay, she yelled at me last Wednesday, getting pissed of over not being invited to JB. She yelled, okay, with the eyes, arms crossed, cynical. She yelled in front of a subordinate who report to me. I retreated and have been lashing out things to you, the poor readers. (kesiannnn… you all)

Then, today (Thursday, April 06, 2006) in the Management Review Meeting, she first was questioned on the formula I have derived inside the mighty Database she is maintaining now. Stumbled upon her own words, she was. I stood up and went over the laptop, kneeling down (simply because there wasn’t any chair available), checked the Excel when she started whispering in fear, eh the formulas are all okay eh? (that’s the typical MizAnoi, someone come out with formula and she suddenly owns it) I then bravely said, let me explain, it’s not fair for her to explain things that I have done. . and then took the honor of explaining the whole formula derivation to the rest of the Managements Team Of course, there was another way of finding an average and I got that corrected. Kira macam aku ni kena tembak jugak lah.. but the ability to explain the whole thing and still got shot anyway is better than stumbling upon words of explaining on how the weighted average come out, how the energy counted.
~chuckled~ I think I will let her add in the JB customer profit account into that database. RM50 bet that she’ll try to derive the formula and email them to me to check. Senang kan, kerja si MizAnoi kat company aku ni.

Then, in the later part of the management meeting, I voiced out what I feel about the current IQA result and suggest that the whole Management Team sit down to study the Quality Manual together (another way of implicating the current MR is so ineffective). Suddenly the MizAnoi menyampuk and said, I’d agree with Clipperseep and on and on she was saying about how she also feel the same, how she cares about the whole quality system.

I looked at both IDA and SOB and they were raising their eye brows. I felt like laughing the whole meeting and was trying so hard to find a word to describe MizAnoi attitude. IDA said it was a simple bermuka-muka. I think it was simply hilarious thinking that she'll die as an old woman with a 8 years old brain.

Haii.. these are the kind of people that make your lives interesting eh? Sharp, painful words said to you one week and another nice, good flowery support given another week when you are suddenly the STAR of the day.

Bravo!

My Big Orgy For Today

My RM300 million tender has just been approved so does my RM1.6 million tender.
The RM300 million was started in July 2006. Took about 9 months for the whole process to be completed. I could conceive and safely deliver eh?
The RM1.6 million started two weeks ago.
You see, I have to go through about 6 committee before going up to the Ministry to be approved for the big ones. You don’t know whose son in laws is be-friending any of the people in the committees. Neither you know what’s in the minds of these committees. Some men in the committee speak their minds of just for the sake of talking, they just want to be recognized. You put up another thing, and they’ll say another thing. You say that it should be three years because the market is weakening, they would say, no it should be five years instead.

Whatever that is, I’m glad that the burden is finally off the shoulders. Now it's tiem to get the ball rolling and like the Son said, Kiiiiiiickkkkk!!!!!

My Sore Heart, My Sore Gum

As sore as my heart was last week, the gum is much sore!
Start feeling the pain last Saturday when we were eating the hard keropok at MakCik Lela’s house.
My final tooth was removed when I was 11, I think. When the wisdom tooth coming out, it came in closer to the second final tooth, leaving much spare room of bare gum at the end. Tried eating hard, thick things and it’ll sore. But not as bad as this time!
Half of my head and half of my two pairs of ears are pounding badly. It is extremely painful when I am in the car and The Man drive over a bump! Open up my mouth and the jaw will somehow stress the gum more. Sip a hot drink and the gum sores more. Gulp down cold water and the whole jaw scream painfully! Intermittently the sharp pain like a lightning struck over the head and the ear.
Went to dentist on Monday , anyway, (the first visit after 5 years) and got myself checked. Luckily, no hole but the dentist cleaned the whole teeth up and there was I, lying there like a dying fish lost on a dry land, clutching my fingers tightly and screaming silently. He then took out this big syringe and shove it right on the sore gum! Was prescribed Nizole as antibiotic and Ponstan.I took one the first night, then took two last night.
Tomorrow will be the final day finishing up the Nizole and if the pain gets worse, I’ll go over and cut the brain of my dentist into two!
Toothache will make you one killer.

Not Talking to Me Huh?

Blogged this on Wednesday.

(So, I have not gotten over of what MizAnoi did to me, eh)

I wonder what are in the minds of these people who refused to talk to us whenever they feel like it?
First , of course they are very pissed off of things that they assume we have done. Then they don’t have the guts to tell us on what has pissed them off, what action of ours which has hurt them. They feel that they are entitled to be mad at us, and have the right to remain silence.
Action plan of theirs shall be: No good mornings, no smiles when shoulders are brushed against each other when there are only two of you in the elevator, in a meeting you shall be talked to with their beautiful faces facing 180 degrees of yours.
These people have very high tolerance of pain and even death. What could this means is they can afford to not asking for your help when they are at the verge of their death, perhaps.
Funny thing if they walk in to a room full of both you and they are familiar with, they will be scrambling looking for seats the furthest to you. They will try their best, too, to sit next to the person who jokes the best or who are the attention seekers. With that, they, those who are not talking to you, will feel safe be in the middle of these ‘powerful people’.
As for you, when you walk into the room and the only available of seats are the closest to these people, you, as unshameful as you have always been, will sit and smile and say hi anyways. The will pretend that you do not exist, gave a quick smile (if they are in the mood), unwillingly and continue ignoring you. I was advised not to cari pasal and to avoid being goody goody nice to these people, do not say hi if they are the ones who have stopped talking, BUT the stubborn clipperseep was degil anyway. Chances are these people will
(1) continue to ignore you
(2) snap you off and ask you to leave
(3) yell to you so that you’ll be embarrassed and leave the room terciput ciput kemaluan.
It does hurt, doesn’t it?
It hurts more when you don’t even know what wrongdoings have you caused to occur.
But I’m sure that these people have been hurt before. They’ve grown seeing how their parents treating each other with silence whenever there is a disagreement.
They could also be a blue-eyed girl in the family and will not tolerate people yelling at them when they are the peak of traumatic temporary insanity. People at home bow to these girls. They are raised to be confident that they can afford to serve your badly simply because they are much loved at home.
Try to be nice to them and they ‘ll feel much hurt. Funny huh…
You may want to regard them as standard two kids who pouted their mouth whenever they don’t feel like befriending people. Discouraging, isn’t it, trying to pretend that a 8 year old kid is getting the same paycheque as yours.