An email I wrote to the circle of my uni-girls, just couldn't find the energy to write again.. ( but I do the typo check, though
Korang, sorry for the long silence.. Since late roslan passed away , i've been in and out from the office... tak sempat nak check email.. or shall I say, I just couldn't find time to organize my tot and pen down what am i feeling inside....
SATU pasal Lan... sorry, lambat cerita.. tapi aku betul betul terkejut masa tahu tu... baru pagi selasa tu aku called dia , sebab member aku kena pergi kursus, nampak ada nama dia kene pergi jugak, then aku called lan tanya dia tak pi ke, dia kata dia kene gi PD. (ye ajiji?) tup tup pagi khamis meninggal...!!
petang rabu tu, lepas dia gi ambik tunang dia nak gi makan.. pastu masa makan tu su, tunang dia perasan dia minum ais banyak, pastu dia keluarkan duit, su tanya pasal ape sikit sangat, dia jawab, eleh nak bawak gi mana pun duit banyak banyak... then dia balik rumah mak dia, mak dia kata senyap je main UNO ngan adik dia tak de bising bising....
then dia supposednye balik condo dia beli kat somewhere at desa water park (?) jalan kelang lama.... aku memang tahu dia beli condo kat situ, sebab nak kawin kan... then dia tak balik condo dia, dia gi rumah mak mentua (bakal, i mean) kat putrajaya.. dia kata kat depa dia nak tidur situ..... around 11:00 gitu adik sue ckp lah pasal ape abang lan tidur bising sangat berdengkur, dia siap cakap, jovially lagi, 'sorry!'.. cam tu lah..
dlm one o clock gitu, tunang dia terbangun nak pi bilik air nampak dada dia berombak ombak.. pastu bile tanya kenapa, dia dah tak leh nak jawab dah.. terus tunang dia ajar mengucap (strong girl budak tu, kalau aku tak tahu lah panick kot), 1:15 tu meninggal, macam tu je....!! in a split of second.......
aku dapat missed call dari hp dia dlm 3:30 gitu.. tapi ingat ke dia terdial..rupanya su yang call all the kawan kawan.. sebab masa malam tu, sebelum masuk tidur, dia siap bagi kunci rumah, kunci pendua kereta dengan tunjuk handhphone dia , all the list nama kawan kawan dia... dia kata ape ape jadi, call lah diorang ni... so su called all the friends lah, all the As first tapi aisha je lah bodoh tak angkat phone pagi pagi tu.. aidil, alice (budak kapar), azmi (budak nets)..
cuma abang zul je tak dapat nak call. then sue called aku again dalam 7:30 suruh mintak tolong cari kan no abang zul... aku call abang zul, dia dgn kak niza tengah kat kelantan, menagnis kejap abang zul kat telefon... dia kata dia baru jumpa lan, tak de ape pun....!
masa aku sampai rumah makcik dia kat kg medan tu, dah bawak balik dari post mortem putrajaya dah... result post mortem kata ada mucus dalam lung and blood test kata heart problem.. aku tak berani ckp ape dysfunctional dulu, lung ke heart.....
then kitorang tunggu kapan and bawak gi masjid, bulat is one of those yang usung keranda ... kat masjid, depa tunggu zuhur, baru sembahyang jenazah.. masa tu baru aku nampak su tu, terus su tu datang aku peluk aku.. masa tu sebenarnye aku dah tak sedih dah, tapi bile su cakap, 'kak aishah kitorang ni membilang hari je kak!", terus aku pun terasa lembek jugak kat situ...
aku menyesal sebab masa minggu lepas tu, lan nak sangat datang rumah aku ngan mady tapi ye lah, aku pun macam elak elak nak jumpa dia.. dia nak pass aku invitation card (dia nak kawin this 25th kat kelantan), aku suruh dia post or pass kat orang, dia ckp dia nak jumpa aku... !
semua budak nets aku ada... all the boys kecuali mady (sebab ada kerja kat teluk panglima garang) and a few yang kerja kat taiping, rawang... pastu diorang tanya aku, shah kau ingat tak sape yang jadi model masa kita belajar mandi kapan semayang jenazah masa kat OBS, masa tu baru aku ingat, Lan lah model nye.. tak sangka, we got to semayang jenazah yang betul untuk dia..
some chinese and indians came over too, to the masjid.. tunggu diorang sembahyang semua.... aku cam was kinda mad to myself sebab tak nak jumpa dia masa dia nak pass me the wedding card.... padahal nye waktu aku NETS dulu, when i was down, he had always been there.. he had always talked me out bile aku rasa aku useless... can't do a few things, he made me see that tak kisah lah orang tak nak ckp ngan aku pun, he still feel that i was the good person, that I was still a good friend, that money doesn't buy friendship..
ntah, tak boleh nak tulis pepanjang sini.... NETS was not really a good memory for me... but Lan,was he there for me! masa aku nak choose between nizam or mady pun, he was the one who pulled me thru! and I can't even time to find time to share his happiness of the wedding!!!! truth is, memang ada mende jadi.. jiji pun tahu, Lan tu kan biasa cepat marah sket.... and I let my anger came in between the friendship...
sebab aku bengang ngan dia, aku lupe all the good memories he made out of the NETS7 bad memory... and chose to back away from the friendship instead... now he's gone.. macammana aku nak buat so that he knew how sorry I was to back away from the friendship? i can't, can I? where 've I been when he wanted to share a bit of his happiness for the wedding? or shall i say when he really wanted to see me, mady and azam zikry, the final one, before he goes, for good?
DUA then about nary... this is the girl whom nangis nangis kat aku masa tak tahu nak pilih EE or BCM dulu... my roomate masa kat US... and she is in the middle of her life bad experience, where 've I been? sebab ada sekali aku jumpa dia, and dia terus cakap aku gemuk, sejak dari tu aku malas nak call dia lagi.. and i let her be alone masa tengah sedih sedih pasal mus sakit... tengah risau risau pasal anak-anak dia, never bother to call, sebab kut kut dia fire aku gemuk lagi.... padahalnya niat ada dalam hati nak call....
since when aku slalu biar perasaan sakit hati tu stand in the middle of one of the most fun friendship I had had? nary was alone, kalau tak kerana dia sms kita her new phone number, tak de orang tahu the problem the family is facing.... kalau dia tak start bukak cerita macammana nak pagar rumah... tak de orang tahu pasal dia... ntah ntah masa aku jumpe dia masa dia ckp aku gemuk tu pun dia dah start tahu yang mus sakit...
masa aku tulis ni, the tears are running down my cheek.. like i say, i just couldn't find time to pen down things.... it's just taking my energy to really feel what am i feeling inside, how regretful i was for not seeing Lan.... for not checking up on Nary... ordinary friends who seemed small to me NOW despite the big things they have done to me, whom I couln't be bothered to spend a few minutes of my many many minutes in the life, seeing or talking to....
how easy aisha has been taking things...
pen off, aisha
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