what a merdeka

My hands were so itchy to snatch the thumb drive and bring it home on
Tuesday evening but my brain so no! 31 Aug is the time I should spend
time with my baby and his father instead of gluing my head into the
laptop over that long never ending tender evaluation.

Guess I was wrong.

We went back to his parents place and put up for the night. I nicely
woke him up early morning to give him that special session so that he'll
feel, what a day! Fed the baby, played with him for a while and pat his
back so that he'll sleep again. We then woke up at 10.30, breakfast and
got busy with the baby. 12.00 is my rerun of desperate housewives that I
missed watching the night before. That was the time he came down with me
and the baby, the rest of the day was spent in front of his PC,
downloading and transferring his MP3 files into his new mini O2!!! Guess
I should have brought that thumb drive home huh.

I know how excited he was with the new handphone but gosh!! getting
stuck with the clingy baby was the least thing I had in mind to fill up
my holiday. And poor baby just refused to take a nap. What he wanted to
do is to just 'be' in my arms. I know it sounds beautiful but with a mom
in law nagging me on when shall he go for nap, that he should nap now
instead of later, that he shouldn't eat first, that he shouldn't take
milk later just drove me crazy! Forget about the scream she made when
azam zikry went under the chair or just playing angguk angguk geleng
geleng, since there is a very BIG possibility azam zikry's head will hit
the full carpeted floor. I just wanted to go out from the house!!!!

(This is not about the husband got himself glued infront of his PC and
refused to take me out. Neither about the mom in law who has had
experiences with four babies before)

Thing that really bothered me is, I was not a party girl. I went to club
before, less than five times of my entire life. My social life never
evolved around the club friends. So what do I miss so much about staying
home and not 'going out'?

Going out for me is actually having to drive my own car and park it at
any mall's basement that I like. Going out for me is trying every single
interesting top in every single interesting outlet or trying out every
single color of lippies at CD and never have to buy anything. Going out
for me is seizing the opportunity of grabbing the 5-in-1 panties on
sale. Going out for me is walking alone towards the two ends of the mall
until my feet ache. Going out for me is spending hours in book store,
flipping thru the pages that I thought amazing and buy a copy or two.
Going out for me is spending time over coffee at the mall reading the
book I thought interesting after making some trips to my car to keep the
other stuffs I just purchased. Going out for me is meeting Syima and
listening to her stories over fries and ice cream. You can say that I am
so comfortable at the mall that I can eat alone at any eatery.

Am I not comfortable at home? Am I a bad mother to choose the mall over
a clingy baby? Was it bad for me to feel this way? Try say this out to
my aunt and I'll get that kinda look for straight two hours on how
'sinful' I am, how lousy a wife I make and what a small heart I have for
my little AzamZikry.

Guess I bettter keep that inside rather than write this out huh. But the
promise to myself that I will write honestly won. Then I will write
again in capital, WHAT A MERDEKA DAY I HAD YESTERDAY!