Walking Away, Step by step

Dear SBH,

This is perhaps the darkest hour of my life, where the toughest decision has been made and I choked myself everytime I bring myself to even start telling you.
You have always been the leader that I have high respect, admire and love for. Whenever you are in the boat, I would just close my eyes and jump right in. Since ten years ago, you have never failed to develop me. You are in the inspiration of anyone, of all lives that you have touched. I was lucky to spend the first ten years of my career life being mentored by you. You have never demanded the best of me but whenever you are the leader, I am always compelled to do my best, to supersede my strength. I always want to do my best, and did the best all the time. You allow me to explore my own strength, and further utilize my skills to get what I wanted. You let me be responsible of my own action, which outcome are always satisfactory results. And at the end, you are always there to pat my shoulder.
Like I said, I was lucky to spend the first ten years of my career life, mentored by you. I matured and learnt to grow my inner potential. It is a precious learning curve. I learnt to deal with difficult people, sensitive people, old people. I learnt to write. I learnt to make fast decision. I learnt to organize. I learnt to lead. I learnt to control my temper since you said that you lose the power of negotiation once you lost your temper. I learnt to always be true to my own words. I learnt that giving my 110% is just the right thing to do since the result is just fantastic. I learnt to enjoy my own result. I learnt to let other people to lead, in order to grow them. I learnt to let go of people, when they are happier at some other place. I learnt to manage without people, to make do of what I have. I learnt all these from you.
Other than those, I also learnt from you that… there are other things more important that work. There are family, parents, and health. I learnt from you that children are just the greatest rezki, gift from the Almighty.
However, through times, I have come to points that perhaps, despite the best that I have given, I have failed to be your best. I have failed to make decision like what you want me to make. I have failed to write the way you wanted me to write. I have failed to lead people who are older than me. I have failed to convince the opponents. I have failed to avoid mistake. I have failed to be diligent, to be careful. 8 or 9 years ago, I would always traced back the steps I made, analyzed where have I gone wrong and rise back to the occasion. I have always tried again and again. Until I won your approval. Until I made you feel proud.
Somehow, making you feel proud has always been my goal. Whenever you are the leader, I will never say no to any challenges that you have thrown. That is my strength, and true enough of what people said, our strength is always our weakness. . I have the weakness not being able to shut off and concentrate on my other responsibility. I have the weakness of exceeding your expectation as the priority and shutting of the rests.

My inefficiency have made me fail to juggle between doing my best and my other responsibility. And these next couple of years are the most crucial time for me to concentrate on my other responsibility.
I decided to walk away. And I have initiated a few steps that I can’t erase. I have used a few names that will be tarnished if I turn myself ‘round. Waiting for few phone calls. Once I am in, there is no turning back.

Somehow I feel that I am stabbing your back.