Between One Kid and Another

I breastfed li'l Adam, let him sleep with my tit in his mouth. I did that to Azeuchry, too. They said boys are like that. They dozed off, mulut ternganga cam buaya, then only I could let my tit out and slept straight on my back. They slept, woke up and cried, and I switched boob, again, tit in the mouths.

With Anna, once she was asleep, my Maid took her and let her sleep somewhere else, mostly in the endoi (buaian). She woke up and cried, and my Maid took her back to me to nurse.

Lately I have been feeling that I have not been fair to Anna. She is the only girl, doesn't she deserve a lot of attention, hugs and kisses?

Last night on the way to back to Kampung, she was at the back with my Maid and abang Azeuchry. When it was only Anna and Azeuchry, Azeuchry sat in front with Mommy. And now since Adam is the littlest one, Anna had to give in and sat at the back. It is such a pain, i felt, as i held Adam closer to me at the front seat. (yes i know it was dangerously against the law but that is what breastfeeding mom do who has a maid, takkan Maid aku nak duduk depan dengan laki aku kot?) It is a pain to long to hold one kid but the other kid is requiring my attention.

I guess I understand the middle child syndrome a little bit better. With the first one, she always have to give in because Abang is always screaming for attention. With the littlest baby, she always have to give in because mom needs to give the boobsies to Adik.

I want to be fair. God help me to be fair.

I should pay more attention to Anna. She is big enough to understand that she is not being paid attention to. The least I want to hear when she grows up is Mom always hug and love the boys more, both Abang and Adik.