Jotting down here and there

Friday 23 Apr 2010
Yesterday, a phone call from my gynae's office totally drop a bomb on my whole sweet life.
Was it my stress level that cause me to be so immunely weak?
Why did i allow myself to be in the situation? Was I that irresponsible to my own unborn child?
I am on antibiotic treatment to kill the virus for 7 straight days.


Saturday 24 Apr 2010
Called a friend in GH and the response come blunt. C section might can avoid the virus from getting to the baby. I might opt for that. The treatment over GH of the Strep-B affected babies are five days on antibiotic treatment. I thought of the small little fingers curled in pain everytime the needles are poked into the tiny little body and broke down anc cried.
Then decided to do something else.
I spent yesterday focusing ‘out’, instead of ‘in’. Went to the florist just before my trip to the hospital and arranged for two nice flower bouquets for the birthday girls. Delivered on to Rohana secretly and met Edina for very late lunch after my hospital trip. Both girls were happy. I was happy making them happy. They texts of appreciation did made my day. I am done thinking of the IV needles. With all the drugs in the world, they will make him recovered and alive. God helps.
By night, I am done. Done crying. Done blaming. I recouped my strength and figured out that early labor and/or ruptured membrane and/or more stress is what i have to avoid now. Gone were the unfinished contract negotiations, rescheduling or worries about whether Q3 shipments are secured. My focus now is to get the unborn infant safely delivered. Which can’t happen now because ruptured membrane while the virus is still in my body is fatal to him.
Will talk to the bosses on Monday to take things slow. I also wrote down things that might have stressed me out, in a context of replying comments, but have not decided whether to send them out. Well, people can stress me out, but I am yet to decide whether I am to do the same. Remember that don’t do others what I don’t like them to do unto me. Who said that, anyway?

Monday 26 Apr 2010
Talked to both my boss and boss's boss about taking it easy at work. I want to take leave whenever I feel the body is not up to it. I gulped down and chewed my own words in from of them two. One looks like he wants to pass out, one looks convincingly confident that God will help.
Then texted the boss's boss's boss who was on leave and he replied that there is other thing other than work.
I cried.

Tuesday 27 Apr 2010
A few meetings got cancelled thus I spent the morning waking up late. Went for lunch meeting with the Lawyer and came back thinking of how can they get the negotiations done without my presence. Spent the whole afternoon tossing around that worry instead of sleeping. Agh.. I should have left it to the lawyers.
Worry, please go away.

Wednesday 28 April 2010
My 33rd birthday. And my third child’s fate is still unknown.. at least to me.
Spent the whole day negotiating contract with a supplier that I thought could be difficult. But he seemed to agree to our terms and conditions. I felt good eventhough the almost 5-hour meeting really drove me mad. Had a few contractions during the meeting. Baby please don’t come out so soon, at least until Mommy is well treated.
But it was my birthday and I deserve some treats, did I. Handsome husband ferried me to work, after shoving in a big bottle of perfume (notice: all parfums he gave always smell good) into my purse. He self deliver a bouquet of my favorite lilies to the office. He took me out for dinner, which he ate almost all the dinner since the baby is taking up all the space. He ended up with a great birthday card before we went to bed.
That was number one joy. Azeuchry also drew me a card and that is actually above the number one joy. He drew himself, Anna and the small baby he expected to love in a few days more to come. I shed tears looking at the small naked bald baby on the card.
Rohana came down early in the morning to give me books. Ida gave me a box of chocolate. A few others came to hug. We went out for breakfast. Sai delivered me a cheese cake, which is really a surprise!
It was a fruitful day, tiring but a contented one. By the time we walked out from the diner, the Man is practically dragging my feet to the car.
The moon was a beautiful one, anyway.

Thursday 29 April 2010 – the final day
Figured out that the meeting yesterday really took up my energy and decided to wake up late. Sent Azeuchry to school and continued napping until at least 10:30! Went to a meeting with customer and then spent the whole afternoon sitting down with team strategizing Q3. I let them take the lead and made decision. The boss’s boss came over to explain the job rotations on the team. I decided that this is the team that is the best to do the work. Threw them a KFC bucket for dinner before sorting out all the outstanding task. They stayed back until 10:00 and helped me carried two laptops, one flower bouquet, two kerepek packages and two books with sex as the title (haha) to my car.

Friday 30 April 2010
I know I needed good night sleep but that is what missing in my life for now. At least I am comforted to know that is not the worry that keep me awake, but rather then 7 or more kilos of weight on my tummy.
Went for my hospital trip again. The Man had his regional meeting so I went alone. Did the fetal heart rate and within 30 mins, there were two contractions. His heart rate is fine. Dozed off during the fetal heart rate test.
I was then stripped down waist and below for about 20 mins waiting for my gynae who had to run for a case. Tried to doze of but anticipation and the hard bed killed me. Saw the testis.
Talked further to my gynae on the strep B virus. Thought Azeuchry got one when his lung was infected the moment he was born but she said that was in 2004 when they have not had the procedure of Strep B test on the moms before delivery. Said that the virus is air borne (puzzled, why none of the website mentioned this) and because my immunity was low, I got them FOC! She said that it is becoming very common now.
I asked how many patients were completely treated before the labor and she said only three were not. I rather not ask what happen to those babies. She said not to worry that we still have time to get it treated. I asked whether C Section can prevent the virus from getting to the baby, she said yes it would but wait until I am cleared. (The website mentioned otherwise)
By the end of the meeting I went out abruptly without saying thanks, holding up my tears and rushed up to the restroom.
Waited for The Man who took me out for an Italian quick lunch. Drove back home alone.
Put the kids to sleep and Azeuchry was so thrilled when the baby moved and the big brother could feel the little one kicked his palm upwards! I told story about a big brother who had restless night spending time with a small little brother and a toddler sister, but still the big responsible brother played with them both fairly and put them to bed and did his homework after that.
Realized that if God wants to take any of my kids, He can just take them anytime, any how. Little Ali (my choice) or Little Adam (Azeuchry’s and his dad’s choice) is the most responsive one in mom’s tummy. If he is to go, I am grateful enough that God has given me those 9 months carrying him in mine, and two full months of kicking and twirling and responding to the brother’s lullaby and mom’s loud radio in the morning!
Decided to get all the accessories for the breast pump to prepare for Little Ali/Adam . He will be born and he will love both my boobs and how wonderful the milk taste.
The clock has passed 12:00. Happy Birthday darling Anna, mommy’s little princess.

I love you three.