Breast Feeding

This is long overdue.

I thought hard through my wee hours of waking up to feed.

Have you ever woke up from your sleep for an activity yet the loneliness surrounded you felt so real. At times you feel that your soul is ripped off from your body and your body belongs to someone else. The thought of some one else claim his or her right on your body added to your loneliness. You become not you.

A mosquitoe went by and you can't kill it with both of your hands. Instead you were trying hard to become a frog, catching the irritating and pain-in-the-a-zzzz-sound mosquitoe with one hand. You become good at it but at the times you missed catching them, you got so angry that you felt like dropping the baby and run for the Ridsect.

You have the baby in your arms, you were supposed to be making connections and bonds and whatever great and loving stuffs they were talking, but you wonder how the bond is to be established when the baby is asleep with your nipple in her mouth? What on earth is bonding when you are stuck to where you are seated, feeling so not free?

You tried to read a book or a magazine but the baby moved everytime you flipped the pages. You tried to watch TV but you can't even extend your arms for the remote to change the stupid HOUSE show they are showing.

Your back ached.

Many times, this thirst suddenly hits you. You were reminded many times before like what is in the magazines, webs or books on breastfeeding, therefore you had a bottle of water by your bedside tables. Frequently, and sadly, refilling fairies were not around and again, you feel like dropping the baby and run to the kitchen instead.

You found the miracle of expressing breast milk and storing them. Read lots of stuffs about how to do it, how long can they last and what percentage of antibodies agents remain in the milk. You expressed the milk for the others to help you feeding. But you can't move freely either with the pump! (You thought you could, silly!) Double pumping was worse. A mosquitoe (again , the stupid insect, tsk tsk begone!) landed on your nose and you were again , mad!

So why on earth (just deleted 'the hell') are you so keen about breast feeding?

Numero uno.
You realy believe it is good for the baby. That they wil grow up brilliantly, healthily. You read thru and thru the stuffs about how good they'll become if they are fully breastfed. Just to keep you going. So, the mosquitoe is nothing compared to the fruits you'll reap in years to come.

Numero dos.
You really wanna prove the the bunch of other mommies. The competition of whose baby is the longest on BREAST FEED ONLY. Yup, that competition. So this is about winning and winning is what you craved for. Fair enough.

Tres.
Fuel price hike up will be compensated with the free milk. Yadda yadda yadda.

Quarto.
You smiled everytime you think of this. Breasteeding of 800 ml in a day will consume about 500 calories. So you'll lose weight. Accordingly. Until you found out that the Big Mac Value Meal alone is about 1800 calories BUT your milk production in a day is less than 800 ml, perhaps less than 500 ml.

Again. The mosquitoes. Shit!