Two Weeks

It's been two weeks that the pink bundle has arrived. I am blissfully happy. I am tired. I am contented. All the feelings are mixed and sometimes it feels gooey.

However, I do miss work.

Most I'm worried of how Baie is handling the stress. Just the other day a colleague called me up to tell that he was damn stressful and blurted that he is dissapointed with the coal manager.

Yup. That's me. And Sihin. He could mean Sihin alone. But he could meant both me and Sihin. Or ONLY me.

I have to admit that meeting his expectation for the past there months have been very, very strenous. I do this way and found out that it is only quarterly completed. I do the other way around and he'll say that is not the thing I should be worrying about for now. Juggling around doing the operational tasks and the other that are being piled up on daily basis on my table, more are being piled up. I know I should have stayed at work a little bit more to finish up but at 5:00, I just couldn't take it looking at more are being piled up. He continously said that spending more time at my table up to 8:00 at night doesn't mean that I am being efficient. He is right.

I blamed it on the fact that there are supposed to be two people doing the job and I end up being the only one completing the job.
I blamed it on the fact that it is a new job and I am not used to the managerial function.
I blamed it on the fact that logistics managers are not cooperating.

He is a boss that I look up to. The one that I respect. My loyalty lies with him. However, it is such a dissapointment to know that he is dissapointed in me. For all I know, I have not been meeting his expectations.

Here I am, succumbing deeper into the dissapointment, knowing that I have 6 more weeks to not being able to do anything but feeling guilty and helpless of not being able to prove that I can do much more than this.