Maaf Zahir Batin

So what does it mean anyway?
People throw away this sentence-of-the-moment when Eid-il-Fitri came closer. But do people really think what it means to them, to those who they apologizing? I have one human being throwing away the ‘Maaf Zahir Batin’ in all the emails she shot out to every ones in the group, including me, but I know deep down that she hates me like mad. So why bother apologizing?

People have synchronized Maaf Zahir Batin with the greetings Selamat Hari Raya (Maaf Zahir Batin is best translated to :Apology from Me, for all the wrong doings I do physically –like biting, punching, kicking- or softly –like hurting one’s heart, say bad things about him/her in front of others- There, hope I had already put that on words correctly). People, even had taken advantage in the event of Hari Raya, to do wrongdoings now and apologize later during Hari Raya. Is that why God created Hari Raya? An opportunity to come even with all the people who you have come across in your life, dearest or not? I doubt so.

For me, Hari Raya is an event where I finally get to see all people whom I love, all people whom had done so much for me and touch their hands or hug them. An event where I am thankful to God for giving me another year of life to see these people once more. And will I be there again next year for them? Then the maaf zahir batin makes sense. I look at their faces and tried to remember if I have hurt them, and whether they’ll forgive me when I die. But it was all faces of love, faces of people who will forgive me who will love me no matter what. I apologized anyway. There are also faces who have hurt the family, have hurt my heart, whose heart I certainly have hurt while thinking I was right, I apologized anyway. It’s meaningless, isn’t it, extending apology and forgiveness when you don’t actually want to look at their faces. It’s meaningless, since I myself have not forgiven me for hurting them, for not forgiving them.

But last year, the Man had taught me the meaning of Hari Raya. He kneeled infront of his only grandma, wishing her selamat hari raya and maaf zahir batin, but he added in things that made the old folk cried, he told her how much he loved her in Bahasa (believe me, expressing in Bahasa is much harder than in English) , “Kami semua sayaang Tuk”. The four words, I felt, was more meaningful than the commonly used Maaf Zahir Batin.

I also have seen distant cousins who don’t speak to each other hugging, or relatives who hadn’t come back for a while, and kneeling in front of their elderlies, just kneeling, crying and sobbing without anywords spoken, brushed it off with a big hug and kisses on both cheeks. No Maaf Zahir Batin was spoken, yet I felt it was more meaningful than Maaf Zahir Batin.

People are right. Most of the times, actions are louder than the words. And Hari Raya is one of the big times.

Selamat Hari Raya!