Maaf Zahir Batin

So what does it mean anyway?
People throw away this sentence-of-the-moment when Eid-il-Fitri came closer. But do people really think what it means to them, to those who they apologizing? I have one human being throwing away the ‘Maaf Zahir Batin’ in all the emails she shot out to every ones in the group, including me, but I know deep down that she hates me like mad. So why bother apologizing?

People have synchronized Maaf Zahir Batin with the greetings Selamat Hari Raya (Maaf Zahir Batin is best translated to :Apology from Me, for all the wrong doings I do physically –like biting, punching, kicking- or softly –like hurting one’s heart, say bad things about him/her in front of others- There, hope I had already put that on words correctly). People, even had taken advantage in the event of Hari Raya, to do wrongdoings now and apologize later during Hari Raya. Is that why God created Hari Raya? An opportunity to come even with all the people who you have come across in your life, dearest or not? I doubt so.

For me, Hari Raya is an event where I finally get to see all people whom I love, all people whom had done so much for me and touch their hands or hug them. An event where I am thankful to God for giving me another year of life to see these people once more. And will I be there again next year for them? Then the maaf zahir batin makes sense. I look at their faces and tried to remember if I have hurt them, and whether they’ll forgive me when I die. But it was all faces of love, faces of people who will forgive me who will love me no matter what. I apologized anyway. There are also faces who have hurt the family, have hurt my heart, whose heart I certainly have hurt while thinking I was right, I apologized anyway. It’s meaningless, isn’t it, extending apology and forgiveness when you don’t actually want to look at their faces. It’s meaningless, since I myself have not forgiven me for hurting them, for not forgiving them.

But last year, the Man had taught me the meaning of Hari Raya. He kneeled infront of his only grandma, wishing her selamat hari raya and maaf zahir batin, but he added in things that made the old folk cried, he told her how much he loved her in Bahasa (believe me, expressing in Bahasa is much harder than in English) , “Kami semua sayaang Tuk”. The four words, I felt, was more meaningful than the commonly used Maaf Zahir Batin.

I also have seen distant cousins who don’t speak to each other hugging, or relatives who hadn’t come back for a while, and kneeling in front of their elderlies, just kneeling, crying and sobbing without anywords spoken, brushed it off with a big hug and kisses on both cheeks. No Maaf Zahir Batin was spoken, yet I felt it was more meaningful than Maaf Zahir Batin.

People are right. Most of the times, actions are louder than the words. And Hari Raya is one of the big times.

Selamat Hari Raya!

Stiff Neck

I slept after Sahur for half hour and was frozen to the bed. My shoulder blades ached like mad while I was trying to turn around in order to get up. I screamed for The Man’s attention and he, attentuively, reached out to massage my back. It hurt much.

I asked him to pull me up, he then did so. I remotely walking to the bathroom and get ready to work. Before going out, I told The Man that he needs to send the kiddo to the day-care, he fumbles like he was angry that his sleep was disturbed!

I was furious.

I was in much pain and he ignored me totally!

I drove to work today feeling heavy at heart. He must not loved me this morning. He must no loved me when I am in pain.

(It’s the period kicking!)

Ethics of Blogging

Just spent ten minutes going through the Blogs since 2005 postings and deleted all the company's name replacing it with the ORG. I also took opportunity to abbreviate some people's name.

With the stupid Org's Head, I should be careful of writing any posts. News said that he has been punishing people with minor little discplinary actions and most all of them were sacked.

Hmpfh... talking about sacked, he is the one who has to be sacked!

Coincidence eh?

I buzzed through Pasar Ramadan almost everyday with The Man.

The first one we went was near home, Bandar Sunway's masjid. Two days in a row I saw a mother (Indian Moslem probably) with a 3 or 4 years old kid sleeping on her lap begging for money at the middle of the Pasar. Both days, the little boy was sleeping.

Then this week we went to the one near Subang Jaya (which has really nice terubuk bakar). I saw two mothers, seated separately from each other, both had about the same age of kid on their laps, begging.

Think that is a mere coincidence huh? Wait till your read this.

Yesterday, I went to Pasar Malam Sect 14 PJ, and found one mother (Indian Moslem) with a boy about 3 or 4 years old sleeping on her lap, begging!

All the four mothers were wearing tudung.
All the four kids were sleeping all the time.
All were begging around the same time.

You work the math. Then you tel me whether kids (boys especially) at the age of 3 or 4 prefer to sleep on their mother's lap at around 5:00 - 7:00 or running at playground?

Of course, each mothers dressed differently so did the boys.

My theory was the kids were drugged to sleep.
Arris theory was they were clones.

Have you found any?

Happy Birthday My Son

Today, AZ turns two!!

Thing is, both The Man and I had forgotten that this weeks contains Oct 4th. We had one celebration at In Law's before Ramadhan and have totally forgotten about it. We both realized it yesterday.*sigh* He is just two and we have been bad parents!

Anyway, I invited The Babysitter and family to our house for an after iftar. We will buy a cake (what a birthday without a cake) and sing together tonight.

Hmm.. two years huh. I kissed his forehead and realized that I have loved this little person for two years. It is the best love of my life.

My Organization, My Org

The head of my org, who was relatively new, screwed up big time.

With the intention to save money, his right man, who was also relatively new, did this re-financing without consulting us, the procuring dept, and manage to let go the foot of one of the partners.

That partner was then started asking higher price from us. Of course we refused!

Then the partner was said to seal the office. No more business.

We then ended up buying a company with no operation, and the liability is on us.

Then the head of my org sent this long email to us, after the org was talked about in parliament.
One part was about all the good things company has done to us, which didn't start with him.
One part was about all the lies and intention of hiding the big screw up he did.

Perhaps he forgot to apologize about his behavior who never lift up his head to our people whenever they marched in to his office.
Perhaps he forgot to apologize about his people who are new to us, and did lots of things without consulting us the old people.
Perhaps he forgot to apologize against his stupidity.