Another Baby?

The Man has started his bowling league back. I abide.

So, there was mommy yesterday night, with the Greatest Kid On Earth at home, attending to his games of cars and tickles while trying to watch Failure to Launch (Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew McCoughnehey sp??). When he rubbed his eyes repeatedly, I brought him upstairs, changed him and put him to bed. He, as always, twirled around the bed but hands searching mine to hug him.

He, also, didn't wanna go home when Daddy picked him up from Acik's House. He said, 'Tanak..Tanak Daddy.. Mommy?'..

Mommy's boy......

Anyway, The Man has rolled his plan for the Second Greatest Kid On Earth. He said, the second shall be in Standard One when the First one is in Standard Four, at least. So, if Azam Zikry was born in 2004, the second baby get to be born in 2007, meaning I have to conceive .. lemme count.... NOW!!!!

I hesitated to answer, to think or even to conceive. Sex is now postponed or deferred or avoided at 100% all of the time (even with the IUD inside me).

When I looked hard at Azam Zikry's face, I wonder whether I could love another as much as I love him. I wonder whether I would do fair to the second one since I have loved this one so much. I wonder whether I could spend as much time coloring, tickling, dancing and hugging Azam Zikry when his baby sister popped out. ( But I do want a girl.... sigh.... ) I wonder whether Azam Zikry will feel left out, or he'll poke his sister's cheeck continuously to get my attention. I wonder whether I could still juggle with home cleaning, cooking, laundry after coming home at 5:30.

(So, gartblue, how did you do it?)

Or shall I just stop wondering and just do it?

I really wanna do the right thing. I don't wanna spend nine months eyeing the clothes I can't wear, the shoes I can't wear and the caffeine I can't have, feeling whether that was the right thing to do.

Being a super loving mommy makes this hard.