Tuesday 1st August 2005: The date Pak Long Zul passed away.

Mak Long Bada and Pak Ngah Sharan are my father's cousin. Their mother passed away and ever since, they have been living with my grandmother. That made they more like siblings rather than cousins to my father and my Alang. When they grew up and married, their children are more like cousin rather second cousins.

Mak Long Bada got married to Pak Long Zul and their children: Laila, Deydey, Adah and Akah grew up literally with us. They came back for Raya to our home every year. Laila went to the same high school with me and she always made me feel proud. She is one of the coolest junior we had. Deydey is the only boy in the family. Adah went to the same college with my sister, Yan.

Pak Ngah Sharan got married to Mak Ngah Kamariah and blessed with four daughters Shaniza, Fira, Ina, Iyap and the final prince, Iqbal. They too sometimes came back for Raya to our home. They were there during my wedding and (my brother) Hamdan's wedding.

Pak Long Zul was diagnosed with colon cancer about a month ago (or more than that, we don't know). Mak Long has been keeping that a secret from the rest of the family. Deydey, however, was the one who broke the news to us. I didn't get the chance to see Pak Long Zul. I got the call from Alang about two hours after he passed away, at the Hospital of Kubang Kerian. He went away with Mak Long by his bedside.

I couldn't really digest the news anyway. We, Azmady and I and the baby, drove all the way to Grik, Perak the next day. I know I won't be able to see the body but it was the cousins that I really wanted to see. WHen we arrived at the their house, they have already taken the body to the cemetary. I took the opportunity to let Azam Zikry bonded with the rest of the aunties stayed guarding the house. Still, I couldn't really feel the sad air surround the house.

The sadness kicked in right away after the cousins came back from the cemetary. I saw each of their faces and the red eyes each one has. I can't imagine if it my siblings were at their place and they at ours. I turned to my dad and hugged him, hoping that he'll know I'm not ready to let him go yet.

May God grant them strength. May their love to each remain stronger thru these thick and thin days.