You

adam, you are the angel of my eyes

filling up time

Am waiting for a London supplier’s office to open. And the person I want to talk to available. I am starting to regret the business decision to deal with a London-based supplier. For one, the time difference is killing me. He can only be available at the final hour of my working time, which he is always somewhere else making coffee, having meeting. But the deal was good, we got a good competitive price. And he is such a reasonable person. We are concluding the contract and once this is sealed off, I no longer have to feel that time is always against me. Then all operational matters can be done via e mail.

By the way, the Boss lamented to a friend that someone has cut and paste my blog entry and emailed that particular entry to him. I was surprised. Not that I feel guilty, because when I wrote that entry, it was really meant for him to know. It was just I was waiting for the right time to send it off to him. I did during his birthday. So are you the one who cut and pasted it to him?

People have started to advise me to be careful of the closest ones to me. They said that the closest ones are the easiest to blow and stab my back. I am still on the principle that if I don’t intend to stab someone’s back, then nobody will to me. Perhaps I am too naïve? That I think the whole world is kind and always kind?

Theo the Raj has been more than helpful to help me out with the interview I attended early this month. He pushed the date earlier so that his HR people could ‘experience’ me. I don’t think anything good would come out from that interview. For once, I valued myself so high that I don’t think they would want to afford me. The Boss, for once looked happy and boasted that no one can afford his ‘kids’.

Yes, for you who cut n paste my email to him, just to let you know that my relationship with him is beyond what you can imagine. He might be accusing me of slacking here and there, but he knows at the end of the day that I will always stand fiercely next to him, helping him out when nobody left standing. I might be whining on what a failure I have been by not meeting his expectations but it was always me that he looked for.

Oh yeah, I also found out that I now have two stalkers! These two guys keep texting me, asking me whether I would have lunch with them, or whether I am still awake at 1 a.m. Not bad eh, at the age of 33, and having 3 kids, some guys are still after me! Ahaha perasan.

The London-based supplier is still in the meeting. I call him on Monday then. Goosh this contract is taking longer than I thought it would!

Off to Yoga class. (will blog more about Yoga in the next entry)

yoga at home

Yoga at home is definitely painful, to me.

I remember the pose i wanted to achieve, but i don't remember how to get there. Thought of just pose and hold for a few breaths. Ended up with sore legs and thighs.

Doing it with a teacher is different. We are slowly guided to move one step to another in achieving the final pose. And moving from the final pose to resting pose is also structured systematically. With the systematic structure, the muscles are slowly stretched and slowly taught to go back to their natural position, I think.

The thing is i need practice! Beginner's class is only on Monday and Tuesday. They have a few on weekends but have decided that weekends is totally the kids-mommy-time. Need at least one or two more session in between Wednesday and Sunday.

I need to be better at this. Wonder whether I can find a tape recorder to recorded the instructor's voice and practice at home.

Glee I wanna hold your hand

Sekarang ni kat US dah season 2 .. kat Malaysia baru keluar season 1 part 1 and season 1 part 2

Dia cerita pasal teenagers kat high school

Semalam I watched the downloaded version season 2… ada satu bab ni, ada this character, a gay boy nama Kurt.. ayah dia kena stroke and masuk spital.. mak dia mati time dia kecik. .masa dia tengok the mom was being placed into the grave, and the soil were scooped onto the coffin, he looked up at his dad looking for his dad to say that everything was gonna be okay, that the world is not coming into an end for him, but all the dad did was hold his tiny hand.. that was enough for him..

And now that the dad is hospitalized and in coma, he longed to hold his dad’s hand… dia pegang his dad’s hand and ask, ‘dad if you hear what I say, please squeeze my hand’.. tapi dad dia tak respond..

then masa kelas dengan Mr Schue, he sang I wanna hold your hand (was it by the beetles? Or bee gees?), it is supposed to be a fun song kan, but he carried it so differently , slow motion and full of emotion…

I nangis dengar dia nyanyi.. ni I tengah nyanyi macam dia nyanyi pun, I nangis! Aiyoo..!

side Effects?

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/keratin-hair-treatment-side-effects.html

oh kenapakah rambut rambut ku berjatuhan di merata tempat?

Inikah sebabnya?

Winnie did caution me on the hair loss, she said it might not be the case if you are not in the post natal zone.

Broke My Heart

Azeuchry: Mom, can you cuti tomorrow?

Mom: No darling. Why ?

azuechry: *silence*

Mom: Why? Do you have something at school/

Azuechry: No. I just want to spent time with you.

It didn't just break my heart, it tore my body into pieces.

cold storage

A staff was taken out from the operation team a long time ago, and placed as ‘tracker’ for all other people’s progress (so much of work satisfaction! Put me there and I die not doing anything). My NumeroUno the Boss was lamenting to a friend about how destructive the ‘tracker’ was to the business operation, by the way she treated the customers and supply sides.

All can see that is actually a cold storage spot.

All but herself.
For her, the boss loves her and her ability. For boss to create a totally new spot and place her there makes her feel so special, that her ability is needed there.

Deep down I admire her for being so stubborn in thinking that she is good. Eventhough she is the only one in the whole world who thinks that.

Imagine, even if the boss’s rejection is turned into love, what are the other negativities that could get into this person?

Emergency Stockpile (E Pile)

My (frozen breast milk) E Pile is depleted! Zero! Nada..!!

Waahh saya sangat panick...

I had a meeting at near-Lumut ending at around 5:30 p.m, last Friday. Had a relative's wedding to attend at K-Kangsar-the-Royal-town at 8:00 p.m. I arrived around 9:00 p.m. stayed around until 10:30 p.m. and thought of sleeping over at Lenggong until The Man called up to say that there is only one more frozen stock available. The Man had bought Nursoy for emergency use but I decided to drive back. Arrived around 2:00 a.m.. Safely. so that li'l Adam still have milk to drink.

blackberry vs broadband

Which one is better for me?

Broadband:
Easier to blog hopping at work.
Easier to blog (with no kids around)
However, firing up the PC takes sometime, and by the time the connection to internet is established, I am always off to somewhere (either breastfeeding the little one or fixing up anna's dress)

Blackberry:
Easier to blog, especially small short entry.
Too small to navigate blogs.
Easier to update facebook.
Cannot use to download songs (like laaa i download songs too often)

Which one eh?

Quote of the Day

Each day we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.

~Charles Swindoll

A Dream Bedroom

A Dream Bedroom

I’d like a heavily scented bedroom.
I’d like to walk into a bedroom (mine, of course) with potpourri smell. I’d put on two, err four scented candles on my long dressing table, and the candle light will be flickering and reflected on the big mirror. I’d put on one aromatherapy burner each on the bed side tables. I’d put one burner too in the bathroom.
Lavender is my favorite. Citrus is the Man’s, which I don’t really mind since citronella is known to combat flu and sinus problem, which I have.
I have the scented candles ( I think they are in the boxes somewhere). I have the aromatherapy burners. I have the matches. I have the long dressing table with the big mirror. I have the bedside tables. I have the big king sized bed, with matching colors. I have my dream bedroom.
I also have one six year old kid who refused to sleep in his bedroom. I have, too, a two year old toddler who only sleeps after the parents doze off. My four month old son will soon be crawling and after that toddling around the room. All these human beings sleep in the (THE) dream bedroom. And the flickering candles and aromatherapy burners are obviously a fire-starter in the house, and also the whole street’s.
Guess the scented candles will rot in the boxes.

Public Feeding

if you see a toddler eating an icecream or drinking his milk, would you be staring at him for hours?

but if you see a baby drinking his mom's milk, you would be, right?

why?

because the element of boobs is there.

how discreet the mom would be in nursing her baby, as long as it is done in public, the look is there. people, man and woman, elderly or teen, would cast at least a minimum of two glances.

if a mom manages to nurse and camouflage her doing in a very stylish manner where nobody would realize what's she doing, no stare, no.

but if a baby dozes off in mom's lap, and people passing by kinda guess that mom is nursing, then the heads will turn to catch the second look.

while i agree that showing off boobs in public is totally a no-no, i also realize that in order for one to nurse, she can expertly hide the flesh, the black aerola, and the tits from view of others. so why the stare? (so that you can catch a glimpse of the flesh? or the tits?)

its not that the mom is running around without bra and shirt.

i guess boobs always and will always be a sex object. i was in a room with 20 or so guy friends, asking around whether they are the boob or ass guy, only two say they favor the ass rather than the boobs. the rest, mostly malaysian with all the races available, prefer boobs.

men drool over boobs. small or big.

women, too, can't help but looking at other women's boobs, for comparison sake, i assume.

but when you are using your boobs to feed your child, and you feed him lovingly, and you know that the first six months is crucial for the child to drink ONLY from your boobs, you no longer see your own boobs as sex object.

therefore you feel that nursing in public is not a crime. especially when you can hide the flesh and the whole action expertly.

its not like you are trying to seduce the man who sat across the restaurant with his wife and three teens

its not like you are trying to stop the lorry driver in the middle of the pack-non moving federal highway.

so, shame not mommies, you are just delivering the babies the best thing in the world. that's the real reason why God created boobs in the first place.

Expressing Myself in Expressing Breast Milk

Adik Adam now drinks 4 oz per session. That makes it 24 oz requirement daily (DAY only). And mom here is panicking since mom now produces around 4 x 4 oz. Two frozen stocks are taken daily.
Weekends are now spent with DIRECT feeding to stimulate, but Adik Adam dozes off very quickly on mom’s boobs.
Looks like two-year exclusive breastfeeding is the major challenge for Mom.

My Interview (to climb up the corporate ladder, I guess)

The interview session last Friday was something that I want to remember. Herewith were the questions asked by the panel.
Z is my new boss.
S is the boss for 10 years.
R is totally a person who doesn’t know me.

R: So why you apply for the job? (please forgive me, but her English is bad. B A D, okay)
R:What you meant by career progression?
R: So if there is another post opening for Senior Manager in another unit in this organization, would you go?
R:This JD is prepared by this unit itself. Are you telling me this JD is wrong?
R: What do you mean by a Senior Manager’s main task is for more strategic direction of the business?
R: IF you have all these initiatives planned for the business, why don’t you carry them all in your current position? Why must you wait until you get this post to carry all those initiatives?
R:You know who applied. Of all these four candidates, tell us why we should choose you?
R: You is (she really said you is, I almost laughed looking at Z’s face) the one who has the most experience. What do you think is the biggest challenge of us choosing you?
Z: In terms of your performance, how do you think you’ll be at your current job if we don’t choose you? Will you be demoralized?
R: You know there is one candidate who is already doing the job, how do you think it would be if you get the post and he will be your subordinate?
S: You have gone through the mills. Operationally after these 10 years. Non operational tasks like the leadership and managerial are something you learnt by experience. Senior Manager is a different level of post. (And what is the question there, again, sir?)
S: Tell us how the others describe you. Precise and concise. (and just when I was about to open my mouth). Precise and concise. If the Committee (higher up) asked me who is this clipperseep, what should be my answer. Not what you want to be. But who you are. Are you the kind of person who listens. Do you have the guts to say NO. Do you have the guts to say NO politely. Are you a subject matter expert. How are you in terms of communication and interpersonal skills. (At this point of time, I really feel that he is answering the questions himself. Hahaha.. so that is who HE is. Determining what is my direction, what is my attitude.. huh)
S: There is no probation period for the Senior Manager post. You have to be there and perform the minute you are given the task. You talked about your challenge of handling elder subordinates. Why the lack of confidence? (I was about to answer, it is you , sir. I really feel that for the past six months, no , eight months, no ten months, it is really him who has pricked my confidence with all the criticisms and high expectations and no-more-pats-at-the-back-s)
S: How to make people work for you?
S: What drives where you are today and tomorrow? Is it position? Is it money?
R: In order for you to survive in this organization, you need to have something more than passion. I was myself at procurement division before, it was my passion. (really? I don’t need to know haha) but when I am transferred to HR, I was really demotivated. You have to have an open mind. You cannot have a closed mind by telling yourself that this is your passion. That will kill you one day if you need to survive in this organization. (and I answered,” if you catch the drift, my passion is the industry, not the organization, that is what I have been saying for the past 20 minutes or so”)
R: What is your plan in handling the more senior, in term of age, subordinate?
S: Sometimes it is good to be outside of the unit for a while and then come back to the unit. Where do you see yourself outside of this unit? (at this time I really thought he know what my plan is kakakakah orang bersalah selalu terasa , who eats the chillies have the burnt tongue kakakah).
R: You really think you are underpaid? What is your benchmark when you said that?
R: Well I don’t have any questions for you now. What is your question to the panel?

Walking Away, Step by step

Dear SBH,

This is perhaps the darkest hour of my life, where the toughest decision has been made and I choked myself everytime I bring myself to even start telling you.
You have always been the leader that I have high respect, admire and love for. Whenever you are in the boat, I would just close my eyes and jump right in. Since ten years ago, you have never failed to develop me. You are in the inspiration of anyone, of all lives that you have touched. I was lucky to spend the first ten years of my career life being mentored by you. You have never demanded the best of me but whenever you are the leader, I am always compelled to do my best, to supersede my strength. I always want to do my best, and did the best all the time. You allow me to explore my own strength, and further utilize my skills to get what I wanted. You let me be responsible of my own action, which outcome are always satisfactory results. And at the end, you are always there to pat my shoulder.
Like I said, I was lucky to spend the first ten years of my career life, mentored by you. I matured and learnt to grow my inner potential. It is a precious learning curve. I learnt to deal with difficult people, sensitive people, old people. I learnt to write. I learnt to make fast decision. I learnt to organize. I learnt to lead. I learnt to control my temper since you said that you lose the power of negotiation once you lost your temper. I learnt to always be true to my own words. I learnt that giving my 110% is just the right thing to do since the result is just fantastic. I learnt to enjoy my own result. I learnt to let other people to lead, in order to grow them. I learnt to let go of people, when they are happier at some other place. I learnt to manage without people, to make do of what I have. I learnt all these from you.
Other than those, I also learnt from you that… there are other things more important that work. There are family, parents, and health. I learnt from you that children are just the greatest rezki, gift from the Almighty.
However, through times, I have come to points that perhaps, despite the best that I have given, I have failed to be your best. I have failed to make decision like what you want me to make. I have failed to write the way you wanted me to write. I have failed to lead people who are older than me. I have failed to convince the opponents. I have failed to avoid mistake. I have failed to be diligent, to be careful. 8 or 9 years ago, I would always traced back the steps I made, analyzed where have I gone wrong and rise back to the occasion. I have always tried again and again. Until I won your approval. Until I made you feel proud.
Somehow, making you feel proud has always been my goal. Whenever you are the leader, I will never say no to any challenges that you have thrown. That is my strength, and true enough of what people said, our strength is always our weakness. . I have the weakness not being able to shut off and concentrate on my other responsibility. I have the weakness of exceeding your expectation as the priority and shutting of the rests.

My inefficiency have made me fail to juggle between doing my best and my other responsibility. And these next couple of years are the most crucial time for me to concentrate on my other responsibility.
I decided to walk away. And I have initiated a few steps that I can’t erase. I have used a few names that will be tarnished if I turn myself ‘round. Waiting for few phone calls. Once I am in, there is no turning back.

Somehow I feel that I am stabbing your back.

Aik ?!

Kenapa lain macam pulak aku tengok www.blogger ni punya screen?

Palm Tree Light vs Real Palm Tree

Image courtesy of
http://www.made-in-china.com/products-search/hot-china-products/Palm_Tree_Light.html

Brazilian Keratin Treatment

Before you jump in wonder whether my down-under has been brazilian-waxed, nope, this is not Brazilian Wax.

This is about Brazilian Keratin Treatment.

A reader left a comment on where can you find this in Malaysia.

You may find it at A Cut Above. They have branches in Midvalley, Pavilion, Sunway Pyramid and a few more.

Winnie Loo is the one who is responsible in introducing this to me. At shoulder length, the cost of the treatment at A Cut Above is RM600. Then you have to plus the stylist' fees. Winnie Loo's charge is RM250, Senior Stylist and Junior styliest fees are slightly cheaper.

Winnie is like no other stylist that I have seen. She explained to me in details about what is the treatment. She did not force this treatment on me, in fact she told me that I might want to consider to do this later when I have the $$$. But I was so sold that I couldn't wait for her to finish talking (gosh she does talk a lot...i guess it's different when you have passion towards something, you can talk non stop for more than 40 mins) and told her, "just do it to me!".

Brazilian Keratin Treatment is basically a corrective treatment. You may google it afterwards to know how it works. YOu may find also that it is not recommended to pregnant and nursing mothers. I'm not gonna write about how it works chemically but let me give you testimonial.

I have concluded, sadly, years ago, that I can never have a natural looking hair. My hair is superfrizzy. I like the waves though. (When I was as The States, somehow, the waves fell down natually. Don't ask me why. humidity level?)

Visited high end salons and every stylist I met never recommend me anything else but rebonding. ("sebab you punya rambut sangat flizzy, sangat tebal woo , sangat susah mau jaga" aghh!) When the rebonding is still fresh (within 2 months), the hair is super straight and shiny and sleek. However, I find it very unnatural. It sticks to my head, and rests down on my shoulders with all the edges sticking out. Its like comparing a palm tree light with a real palm tree, if you get what I meant.

Come the third month, I already had it in ponytails.

On a rebonded-then permed-then colored-then rebonded and colored on the same day-then rebonded again hair, the natural frizzines becomes frizzier. My poor hair went through 10 years of torture.

Until Winnie advised me on BRazilian Keratin Treatment. she said it is a breakthrough. People don't have to depend on rebonding anymore. I hoped and prayed she was right.

Two weeks after the Treatment, and after three washes, surprisingly, she is correct. My hair doesn't stick on my head, it flows down naturally. I got the normal salon next to my place curled them for a wedding function and the girls were surprised to see how soft my hair was. (these are the same girls who have been saying, akak tak boleh selalu blow dry aaa. .nanti rambut akak rosak sebab rambut akak manyaak frizzy woo... somemore rambut akak sangat tebal woo sangat susah mau jaga)

I am yet to say more about it after a few more washes. So far, I'm lovin it! love it! In short, if I may conclude, rebonding = super straight, frizzy-less but brazilian keratin treatment is natural and you will still get the frizzy-less effect.

erm. is there such word of frizzy-less?

Kids

Next Monday it is. The day i return to work after three months of leave. (okay if you wonder why three: The first month was the time recuperating from the attack of Strep B Virus and avoiding further stress at work and the two-month is the official maternity leave. )

I dropped the workplace a visit today. Short mere visit to see whether my room still has a door. Turned out that they have changed the security door placement. Fortunately, i was lucky to get my card changed today or else i'll be spending alone outside the door on monday morning.

The routine of reaching home at earliest of 6:30, more often than not at 7:30 will start.

The kids go to bed at 9:30.

Thus, i have full two hours to spend with them. These are the activities to be cramped into that two-hour:

1. solat maghrib
2. mommy's shower.
3. mommy's dinner. and the kids'.
4. iqra' reading for azeuchry. introduction of simple arabic letters to anna.
5. some fun thing like fun yoga or fun dance
6. art thingy : either crayon or color pencil.
7. checking azeuchry's homework.
8. math.
9. bahasa book reading.
10. english phonic reading.
11. bed time story of at least one prophet story. (mental note: really need to find more stories on prophet. i'm running out stories right now after azeuchry is bored with Adam and Hawa (Eve) and the forbidden fruit, Musa (Moses) and the Dead Sea, Spider and Lizard with Prophet Mohammed)

and how do i squeeze all these into two hours slot with little adam seeking attention on mom's boobs?

with dad away for almost all the school nights (if he has no classes, he'll have to spend time with his assignments)?

and the kids also require some tv time. i have no heart to take away their tv time. C'mon, they are not yet seven.

sad, isn't it, that we are granted 24 hours a day and i only have two hours with the kids. and sadder it will be if i spend the two hours yelling and screaming at them over unfinished math sheet or unread phonic books or unfinished meal. ("makan cepat le nasi tu nanti sejuk dah tak sedap!! makan habis nasi tu nanti nasi tu nangis!!)

perhaps since Anna is just over two years old, i can just concentrate on Azeuchry's math and reading. but anna would also be requiring attention. the only time i could get both the same attention is during fun yoga or the silly dance, provided little adam is not at my boob suckling.

how are gartblue,zal,and the rest juggling with four kids, that is one of the world's mysteries .

so if i get a work place nearby and can be home before 6:00, i can spend the before-maghrib time doing the fun thing and the more serious activities after maghrib.

if, la kan?

Tak Ke Pelik

So MyCompany had arranged for a few training based on the competencies score. I am impressed!

Tapi tak ke pelik kalau ada orang dapat panggilan training based on low score in presentation skill cakap macam ni, "Eh saya segan lah nak pergi training yang kena ada presentation ni.. nanti kena cakap english, pastu kena buat presentation.. eh segan la saya nak pergi.. tak mo pergi lah".

Pastu tak ke pelik kalau orang yang cakap macam ni tu dapat naik Manager a few years ago?

Pastu naik pangkat kat tempat yang very technical?

Aku pelik mentaliti macam ni.. pelik.. pelik.. pelik..

Kalau macam ni HR buat la beribu ribu training pun, there shall be no result.