Tercipta Untukku

(Yan's current lovesick song. I, on the other hand, really think the piano arrangement is excellent)

by Ungu

Menatap indahnya senyuman di wajahmu

Membuatku terdiam dan terpaku

Mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah

Saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku


Banyak kata yang tak mampuku ungkapkan

Kepada diriku

*violin here*
Aku ingin engkau selalu

Hadir dan temani aku

Di setiap langkah

dan meyakiniku

Kau tercipta untukku

*drum only came here*
Aku ingin engkau selalu

Hadir dan temani aku

Di setiap langkah

dan meyakiniku

Kau tercipta untukku

Memo

Dear
all personnel from the departments who think they are better than anybody else in the organization.

I don't care if your job is to find people's fault.

But I am sick if your attitude is to find people's fault!!

C'mon. You carry your heads above your body, smiled arrogantly to people whom you barely know and hissed like a snake when they walk out from the lift. Simply because:

1. you know that their boss had screwed something

2. you assume everybody else in the same department are screwing the organization's rules

3.you think their operation is in the mess, that they are not organized, and they do not know what they are doing.

4.you think their business is easy, that you can do a better job.

5.you don't think they could produce evidences whenever you ask for ones.

6. you don't trust these people. even if they told you that they have donated blood or fought in a war, you would still seek for evidence.

Hello!!! Even the nation is moving to a trusting nation, they no longer need the proof of book receipts and all when submitting income form. We are accusing the Governemnt as slow, full of red tapes and all, but hey.. my organization is worse, man!

'They' have reported that we are formidable, you know. 'They' have reported that there's no one better to do this job but us. 'They', who sit outside of the company. And you, the so called brothers, are so negative. You know what 'they' say, 'they' say that the only thing stopping us from getting the cheapest is because of the red tapes.

You see, if you keep behaving this way, 'they' will ask an equity of our department and we'll be free from all these red tapes.

Just watch this space!

Clipperseep is listening to:
Clipperseep has read the headline today:
Moment of day:

Weekend

We had a long weekend.

Friday was the first. We spent the day emmm lemme try to remember, at home. I cook sup daging for lunch and a baked macaroni for dinner. I substituted the usual frankfurter with real beef, and added in some asparagus. Bolehlah... the Man liked it, that's the most important.

Saturday was spent at the Man's relative gathering. Needless to say, being called fat said it all.

Sunday was home anyway. We woke up early for aerobic at Tamen Tasik Cempaka, and Azeuchry was a bit cranky. I cook Mee Rebus for lunch (and in bulk so that I can cook for dinner), sent some to Yan at Uniten and watched the torterous (sp?) AF5 concert. The only good vocal I think was si Ebi.

Now, can someone tell me on why didn't Azeuchry afternoon-nap during all these three precious, supposed-to-be-relaxing days?





Clipperseep is listening to:
Clipperseep has read the headline today:
Moment of day:

Akademi Fantasia

So now it is already AF5. I didn't follow the Prelude Concert, and by the time I knew it, there were already 4 kicked. Sweet..

Tonight, along with Maulidur Rasul, they invited Mawi and Nazri of ex Raihan to come over and celebrate. I thought it was nice, to be reminiscing of home and the way we celebrated with the orang masjid with pulut and ayam rendang.

I notice that the non Moslem girl was taken out when Nazri did his usrah and Mawi sang his nasyid songs. I would do the same, requested to be taken out if someone preached about their religion. Or else the parents will go mad the next day.

Oh ya.. I think I personally loved Ogy. She is, as always, over reacing but she is straight forward, sincere and didn't use words like Simon Cowell's " just out from the jungle" "unbelievably horrible".

Am I That Visibly Fat?

I was dumbfounded at a family gathering when The Man's cousin touched my hips and commented that I should lose some, before my second pregnancy.
Another reason why I hate family gathering.

I decided to list down the people who have told me that I am fat:
Ida: Once, Sob commented something on me in a positive way, I was so sure it was the way I combed my hair, and she bluntly laughed it off and said I was fat. Fat is exactly the word she used. She also made remark on all the clothes I wore practically every day.
Baie: He now called me by the name Sponge Bob.He dashed in the room and shrieked, "Mana Sponge Bob?" whenever I was not there.
The Man's Cousin, Ayu, who Did My Wrought Iron Gate and Messed the Color: Brilliantly gave me the ideas to lose some weight before pregnancy. Err. She was also the same girl who commented how fat I when Azeuchry was inside my womb. Can't blame her though. She is an Olive Oil, the Popeye's Girlfriend.
Alang: Who else would pinch my cheeck but her everytime we come home?
Raymond: He kindly didn't say it in front of me, but in front of Ida who made it the joke of the week.
Bakar and the bunch of guys from Bin Power: They thought I was pregnant and kindly said congratulations. Blluuhhh

There are also people who never said that I am fat:
Of course The Man: He however supported me everytime I announced that I am to go on diet.
Alfifa: She realized that I gained weight but never said it out loud. She even encouraged me to go on diet just after I mentioned it.
Syima: A good friend never said it out loud. She is just the one.
Yan: Went down to JB to see her but she didn't say a word. Perhaps because she is, too. *Sigh*

I fumbled upon what Ayu said and ate the Indomie Goreng The Man just made. Slurpp... and now is 11:00 p.m.


Clipperseep is listening to:
Clipperseep has read the headline today:
Moment of day:

My Will

A few had commented on why did I write such thin in my previous entry , My Will.

Thing is, I don’t know what triggered me.

It could be the palm.

I know it is wrong to believe the palm reading. My palm was read when I was 15 by a Chinese karate-do friend. It is said that I didn’t live long.

Recently, my palm was read by an Indian palm reader. (that sounds like PDA). She was shocked to see that I am still alive to now. She said that according to the lines, I should have gone when I was 28.

I didn’t believe in those two. Yet,, didn’t it occur to you that you could go when you are 28. What’ll you do if you know?

It could be the organ donor.

I am arranging an organ donor campaign, which specify that your organs will be disseminated to those who is in much need. So, what if I go now? Will they delay my funeral ? what’ll The Man feel knowing that he should wait for my organs to be distributed to bury me?

It could be the prayers answered.

Early this year, I prayed hard to Almighty that He’ll show me sign that I need to feel closer to Him. Perhaps, this is the sign. Perhaps, by thinking of death made me think of Him more.

It could be ‘the friend’.

You see, I had a friend whom I really treasured but work in a ‘competing division’. ‘Competing’ is not really the word but if I reveal more, he’ll know. He is one of who I respect most for his wit, his generosity , the one who introduced me to blogging. He has been complaining about his boss, who have been kicking around unpleasantly. We both agreed that the boss is an arse, until recently he turned his back on me and join his boss kicking us. I couldn’t just believe it. I couldn’t deny that I feel that I am backstabbed. I couldn’t. I don’t know why, but it hurts me deep now that he has done it. Least thing I could do is believing that he knows what he is doing. So what is that get to do with dying? Thing is, that really put me down, I feel so disappointed to the points that I nearly cried. Perhaps my mengada self was thinking that if I die, will he know that he has made me sad?

Okay. Enough reasons.

Thinking about it, when we were in boarding school, everytime we were about to go home for semester break, everytime that I wait for the 5:30 bus to come and pick us to Puduraya, I will always think that how if I die on road? Thus, you may find a letter in my locker to my family and friends, saying how sorry and much I love them, that little things they do for me are valuable. Two reasons : One I really believed that I might die on the road. Second, the whole hostel seemed so quiet when everybody has gone home except for the North and East students. The whole quietness always seemed to bring my thought to death.

I know a few of you do not like it when my blogs seems gloomy. You guys like funny stories, the cutu things that little boy did, the hot gossip, the bitching.

We’ll have a lot more than that.

My Will

Don't know why but I feel that I must have a will written. Not excatly a will but something that will prepare The Man if I am gone suddenly.
Why not gone suddenly? Roslan passed away a week before his wedding. Roslina passed away about four days before Aidilfitri.
I just pray that mine will be quick and peaceful, that I will go without much trouble to people around me.
Material wise, I have two insurance. One shall cover my Mak Lang's medical expense. Another one is Azeuchry Education Fund.
My saving is only in ASB, which I believe will fall under Abang's care. After settling some of my debts, if there's any, it should be divided to four, to be distributed evenly to Arris, Yan, Ida and Azeuchry.
Azeuchry has an account at Tabung Haji. Abang should dedicate each month to this account.
My KWSP is 50 Mak and 50 Abang. I think so.
My car is for Arris, should Hamdan is back and want to use his car back. Meanwhile, Ida or Yan can use them.
My jewelleries are not much. Half of it is Abang's gift, which abang can decide whether to give to either of my or your sister, or keep for your next baby girl. Except for my wedding ring, which shall be passed down as Engagement ring for Azeuchry when he wants to propose to the girl he loves one day. Of course, the name can be erased...
Those that are not abang's gift, shall be passed to Mak, she'll know what to do. Except for my newest pair of earing, can you pass it down to Yan at JB for Yana when she grew up. Yan has one pair too.
My perfume bottles, if there 're much in it, shall be passed down to Kak Ida. She is fanatic when it comes to perfume.
All my make up shall be passed to either Yan, Ida (like they need it!) or ena and kana at work.
It is important that all of my items are discarded. Most importantly are the clothes. The kurungs and scarves can be passed down to my sisters and Jaja. All of other clothings must be discarded, thrown away or given away, inclusive of shoes. It is important, abang, that you get the wardrobe cleared. Trust me that you won't feel like doing it, but the sooner you do , the better it is for you. Please promise me that you'll clear things out.
I have a few possession which are others. Books (lit chic) are all Dayang's. Please return to her with a bunch of lilies.
Some have owed me RMs. Please just halalkan for them.

Please promise me that you'll take Azeuchry back home to my parents. When he know what school is and what flag is, please ask Apak to take him to my old school and show him the flag pole. Ask Apak to tell him a story about me and the flag.

There's another picnic spot , Lawin, that I never got chance to bring you. Please go whenever you can. It's different from Lata Kekabu but you'll enjoy it. :)

And abang, do whatever you want to do at the house. I am no longer there to stop you from doing anything, then you shouldn't stop yourself from doing things that you have always wanted to do, like buying the carpets you like. But one thing, please keep the garden clean and tidy. It's one place the we both build together and it is my favorite place. You may wanna rearrange the plants or discard some but promise that there'll be grass, always. Do not be afraid to move to a new house, if you want to do so. I shall not be mad or anything. It has been a life we shared, now that I am no longer a part of it, why should I refrain you from doing anything else.

Azeuchry should not be forced to remember me, but when he is big enough to say prayer, please teach him how to say a prayer to me, so that all my sins will be forgiven. Only his prayers are answered, other than my amal jariah and ilmu yang berguna , which I don't have much.

One day Azuechry will get to confusion, that he is suppossed to remember this woman called Mommy but he couldn't remember any part of the past about her, tell him not to worry. That it is okay for him not to remember me. I just want him to be happy, and seek no entanglement from him. There are few movies that I want him to watch, Stepmom and Cinta. I'll come out with a few list if I have sometime.

Keep In Touch Your Arse

My new resolution was to spend one lunch time (Friday, most probably) calling up all good long-distanced girlfriends. Especially my school friends whom I adored to bits.

So I called the best friend, Yan. Apparently her lunch time is over and she had to go into a meeting.

Then, Ajin. Another good friend. She answered the phone and said that she can’t talk, saying it was so noisy there.

Then, Syima. Line was busy.

I fumed furiously. Here I was trying to keep in touch with them and time had just not permitted me to do so. Especially Ajin. I have not talked to her for ages.

Then, The Man called.

Obviously he is the only one available. &siiighhhhhhhh&

Then I tried out my uni friends.

Edina was busy getting out from the house back to the office.

Jiji didn’t pick up. Like always. (but she did though when The Man was down with then-suspected-dengue)

I dared not try calling the others. Dared not hurting myself.

Braved myself to call Mariah. She picked up but was on the way to see her mom in law at Kuantan Hospital and before I could ask her whether I could listen to her baby’s voice, we got cut off. She texted saying that the battery was running out.

See.

Thing is, lunch is the only good time. My attention is 100% for Azeuchry each time we got home.

As I reach 30 this year, it is harder keeping in touch with them. If I knew this, I won’t be signing off their year books with ‘Keep in touch ya!’. Perhaps I would just write ‘Don’t grow. Stay with me’.

Trusting Nation

Dear all,

I have distributed your EA and the PCB statement. This will be your copy. I have made copies for your P files.Your Borang B has to be submitted by 30th April 2007. You do not have to attach your EA and the PCB while submitting your Borang B. However, if the LHDN requests, you will have to send it to them later.

That note was passed around together with my EA and PCB statement. I liked reading it. I liked it that our nation has moved a level higher. We have moved from a ‘suspicious nation’ to a ‘trusting nation’, which is good because the more you trust the people, the more people will become civilized.

When I was at the State, everything was about trusting people and surprisingly, people never abuse them. They put in coins into the box and pull out the door, yet they still take only one copy instead of the whole box. Typical Malaysian will take one copy for themselves and four other copies for the roommates.

They order a large Fizzy Drink at Fizoli’s for each of the family members, who has free refill. Typical Malaysian will order a small Fizzy Drink and share it with the rest of the group of 10.

They never cheat filling up the IRB (tax) form and yet the IRB never comes around to audit each one of them. They picked the audit randomly. You see, the more you put your trust in people, the blooming their attitude will be. At least, I believe so. Oh yeah.

Issey Miyaki

So, I got a few calls today on the Issey Miyaki and how can I bought the wrong perfume.
(You guys never leave me alone!)

Here how it goes.

I went to Isetan with only two choices in mind, CK Escape and Lancome's Miracle. Worn both before and loved it because.
1. When I wore them, I could smell them
2. When I wore them, people could smell them and compliment me
3. All the tops still smell of them before washing.

So, that's my definition of good perfume.

When I was Isetan, anyway, was still thinking that perhaps I could venture out new smell. Then there came the Issey Miyake. The 'Leau D'Issey', was sprayed to the tiny paper and I thought , it smelt of bunga kubur! The 'Drop of Pearl on Petal' smelt good anyway on paper. So I bought the later, cost me RM320, of a 100ml. I was given, as well, a miniature of Leau D'Issey. Which I wore the next day on my neck.

And the blouse smelled sooooo bloody good, even two days later!

So you see, what you sniffed on that small piece of paper lies. And it lies to you a lot.

My Drop of Pearl on Petal is going at RM100.00. Any taker?




Clipperseep is listening to:
Clipperseep has read the headline today:
Moment of day:

Mid March Jot

This is the list of major things happening in Clipperseep’s Life :

I have bought an Issey Miyake’s perfume, which smells nice on my wrist, and after ‘it’ll stick to your blouse even after two days’ remark by the sales half-man half-woman, I bought a 100ml bottle costs RM340 something, I found out that the one that smells nice even after two days was not the one I bought! I bought a ‘A Drop of Pearl in Petal’ something and not ‘Leau d’Issey’. Stupid!

I don’t really like blogging on my word document and pasted it then to Blogspot.

Coming back to the perfume, I really need one good one. This is the list of what I wanted: 1. CK Escape (wore that before, loved it!) 2. Lancome’s Miracle (loved it). I had the two in my mind when I roamed Isetan and why did I go back home taking the wrong one?

Why is it that buying a unique perfume that nobody wears at work matter?

My bestfriend, who is married with two kids is having a huge crush with someone at work and the whole story of hers is making me nauseatic. But, I have to be supportive and understanding. One thing about her and the husband now is there are having a serious communication problem. She doesn’t feel that she is supported at work and he feels that she constantly needs attention. Where she then choose to smile back to the guy has been flirting with her for ages. The guy had two kids too. Oh God.. please drag yan back on track.

My husband is a physically attractive man. And he needs a Caroline Herera perfume, for now. I am so proud of him that he has finally finished up two bottles of perfume after 5 years.

Work is fine. In fact, a stalled project is moving forward. Accelerating, shall I say.

Azeuchry ‘s favorite book now is Old Tree Stump and he now watches everything in PHDC Ch 63.

My favorite series is still Grey’s but I missed this week episode. The Man’s favorite is now Heroes which I think have too many cast.

SHAYNE WARD LYRICS No Promises

Lyrics a lame. But the melody is nice, I careograph a mix of Malay, Indian and modern steps and Azeuchry followed!

Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love.
Every time you're near I feel like I'm in heaven, feeling high
I don't want to let go, girl.
I just need you to know girl.

I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms

Here tonight

Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love.
Everytime you're near I feel like I'm in heaven, feeling high
I don't want to let go, girl.
I just need you you to know girl.

I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms

I don't want to run away, I want to stay forever, thru Time and Time..
No promises

I don't wanna run away, I don't wanna be alone
No Promises
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, now and forever my love

No promises

I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms

I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms
Here tonight.

Great Music

The day you become an adult is the day where your perception of music changes. I don’t know mine is in what year but I just notice of a major change of mine recently. Well, not recently, guess about five years ago, the year we got married, methinks.

Young bloke, cute face, tricky dance step, love mentioned at least 7 times and a hit would be the song I fallen in love before.

But those no longer give me satisfaction.

I wanna hear song that’ll give me full meaning. That will make me stop my world for a moment and listen hard to the lyrics and try to find any resemblance in my life or people’s around me. That will make me imagine the video clips that might be produced from the song or the mega concert the band / singer will hold. I can almost hear people shout ‘for more’. That will make me swim around between piano, violin and great unique voice. Combination of piano and violin will always bring me down to my knees. They are my favorites.

And a good song, that kind of good song, always come with the package: the whole album. I hardly find any album that has only one good song, unlike Malaysian’s. Call me unpatriotic or whatsoever.

Evanescene – the piano really kills me, really takes my heart away. It is both beautiful and furious. My favorite of the first album was My Immortal (the video clip was fantastic) and the second album was Lithium. No one, no one except Amy Lee of Evanescene who could describe properly a feeling of depression, both in lyrics and in melody in Lithium. The combination of rapid piano and hard-bang drum is just perfect. She went slow and hard intermittently, making you feel exactly like what a depression would feel, a life full of rollercoaster ride.

James Blunt – this is what I called a perfect album. You see, I never know that James Blunt was an army officer before but listening to his songs made me understand the situation of a war and how actually the soldiers are suffering inside. We keep blaming the war parties but have we ever thought on how it actually feels killing? Looking at the concert, I am mesmerized and stunned for the whole hour. And I still feel the same each time I look at it, as if it is the first time I see it.

Linkin Park – if I am a teenager and feeling mad to my parents, this is the album that I will listen to. All the anger and frustrations are channeled in between Shinoda’s rap and Chester’s strong voice. You may also scream together with them for the album allows a few good space to do so.

You see, when you combine the words satisfaction with the RM you come out when you buy an Album, you can hardly see any Local that would do that to you. You’d just feel that RM better well spent at a nice cafe who plays video clips.

Can You Keep A Secret

I have just finished Sophie Kinsella’s Can You Keep A Secret? And it is hilarious!!! It truly is. I just can’t wait for the movie to come out, not that I know that they are making the movie, but I just hope, so hope, that they will make a movie out of the book. It is her best book, I guess, compared to the shopaholics series. I just love this book! Love this book!

Anyway, if they are making a movie, I think the cast shall be as listed:

EMMA CORRIGAN: Character is a bit like Teri Hatcher in Desperate Housewives and Renne Zelweger in Bridget Jones, so it could be either of them but they are too old for Emma. We need an innocent face, who’ll look adorable and beautiful even more when she is mad or sad. Perhaps Grey in Grey’s Anatomy?

JACK HARPER: Someone who is with stubble, definitely the guy who play Mark Sloach, however-it-is-spelt, in Grey’s Anatomy. I so wanna kiss him!
Lissy: Don’t care.

Connor: Someone too good looking to be true.

That snob colleague of hers, Artemis: Any bitch.

That snob cousin of hers, Kerry: Any older bitch.

That psycho roommate of hers, Jemima: A groomed bitch.

Mom and Dad: Don’t care.

What ya think?

Most Efficient Time

The Urgent and the Important

When I was in Operation, everything was urgent. Emails came needed reply. Phone calls received needed answers. Vessel itinerary gotta be updated daily, hourly if ETA is nearer. My work revolves around responding to what is urgent. Therefore, the style of working is very much alerted by either the boss, the situation or the vendors.

However, when I do less Operation and more on contracts, I found that it was a bit difficult for me to adjust. I always miss datelines, I always found things not done according to the level of importance. It took a while for me to realize that, this is when I am supposed to work independently.

It took a lot of effort to change the style of working.

But I found a way.

First, I gotta find what is my most effective time. It is actually morning 8:00 – 9:30, and afternoon 3:00 to 5:00. So I found that I accomplish more if I start my day by straightly going into the heaviest and most long enduring project, like any tender document or contract or board paper. But it went all wrong if I start the day by nice breakfast and long coffee with friends. I categorize this as Important Tasks.

I spent the ‘sloppy time’ doing the urgent thing then. Times like when friends are stopping by to ask questions, boss coming over to discuss, meeting being held where people don’t need enough of my attention. I spent this time reading emails, speed-reading any contracts, approving any invoices or writing any letters that don’t need much reference. I categorize this as Urgent Tasks.

Most important, the last 10 minutes of the day must be spent going through the list of the URGENT and the IMPORTANT Tasks, weighing whether I should spent more time doing what and vowing that tomorrow will be a better day.

You know, it does take a lot of effort. But at least it works.

Helpless Googling!

Okay. So if you read my blog on the new year resolution, you'd find out that most of things are already checked.

Taking IUCD out. Check.
Do that potongan Zakat. Check.
Cook every weekend. Check and hope to attain that for the rest of the year.
Save a few more thousand to ASB. Check of about 3k and going on again.
Lose a few more kgs. Not yet.
Reading chic lit every week. Check.

and a current project, to get a facial treatment shall be the focus of February.

So I have been scurrying around to find the best saloon that will do my face good. Off-counter products (tried Estee, SK, De La Mer) are off-limit, they don't do me any good, not ever. I am targeting saloon product that will offer me the facial treatment (targeting my uneven skin tones, large pores and blackheads at nose) and also product to go home to. Most importantly, the saloon must be near work so that I can frequent it monthly.


I have reckied Maria Galland, Dermalogica and Thalgo.
1. Maria Galland (Sect 14 PJ) is super duper classy with microdermabrasion machine. It is mild.
2. Dermalogica (both at Amcorp Mall and Sect 14 PJ) is actually the cheapest of all. But it has Salicylic Acid which is a taboo for dear son who is a G6PD. Not all of their product has Salicylic Acid thought, but I got a feeling that the ones targeting my uneven skin tones will probably has that venom.
3. I've tried Thalgo ( Amcorp Mall )facial at Jakarta before and it was superb. No reaction eventhough it is an algae based. But after trying de la Mer, I am having triple doubts.

So talk about the cost.
1. Maria Galland offers 9-treatment series at RM2K, a complete product (their toner has 'Colagen'!) to bring home at Rm800, bring me to RM2.8k.
2. Dermalogica offers 7-treatment series, with complimentary stuff I don't know what and home product at a total of RM1650. Thing is I don't know whether it is normal facial or facial targeting my problem, as specific as Maria Galland's.
3. Thalgo 10 treatment series is at RM1.3K something and to go home to at i think below Rm1K.

Cost doesn't really vary much, does it. But I wanna know Results and have been Googling around and can't find much.

Watcha think?

Maybank Zing Card

Hv you ever read about zing card? Their big billboard near the Sg Besi toll?

So I've been applying the card since Early Jan. I fax and refax my application since they never call. Then I mailed them the whole form together with fax records.

So what I got for now?

Nothing.

No phone calls. No damn card.

Maybank now has dissapointed me.

Testing

Whether this works!

Lampe Berger

In the attempt of getting calm and composed, I have been sold a Lampe Berger and two bottles of its fragrances.

It's actuall an aromatheraphy thing, at very high end. One thing or things I like is

1. you no need to mix the oil with water

2. you no need to change the candle.

3. the oil won't spill because it's in container.

4. it smells bloody good!

I lit it up for about 20 minutes and the whole house smell. No kiddin!

So I've been trying to strike conversation(s) with The Man on how much does it cost, actually. However, the time never comes. And I don't blame myself for not telling him the real cost. Well, not telling doesn't mean I'm LYING. Plus, I got him his favorite, Citronelle, which smells more like buah limau busuk. I return it today and get myself a full bottle of Euclyptus, which is good for the sinus. Plus plus, the Man is caught with terrible flue every morning and didnt' that make me a good wife of trying to alleviate his pain? *kipas bontotku*

*phuuuwarghh*

*smirky face, I have*

The Verdict

So, the verdict of the 'wrongdoings' for the two bosses is out and the verdict is none other than guilty.

F**k!

They said the 'judges' read through their report, words by words and it sound just like the words coming from the Turkey Attorney. (Turkey as in the flabby old haggard chicken).

F**k!

I cried and cursed tremendously. If the judges made their judgement based on their own findings, I forgive them. BUT if they were ever under even a slightest instruction, I will not forgive them. I pray hard that they will be where the bosses be, and their children's will be experiencing the same, and their children's children.

The whole gang froze when they heard me curse. Some even tried to say, the bad things happen to this generation might be caused by the older generations. WTF!!

I think they froze because I didn't sound like me. I sound more like an old spinster stuck in a house full of cats who eats nothing but fresh fishes and the whole house smells that made nobody come to screw her.

So give me a few days to forgive. Or to become me again, the ever charming and demure Clipperseep who smiles a lot and has a heart as strong as steel.

What's Happening

I am bloody sleepy.
Am tuning up a Tender Document, and after two hours, I could just take my eyes out and let them swim in a cup of Nescaffe.

Today I am wearing a beautiful baju kurung, silk bought at Kota Baru.
I put my eye make up on. Think I look good in ash color.

Do you guys like kopi kampung? My favorite is Kopi Che' Nah. But couldn't find any either at Carrefour, Giant, or normal kedai ubat or runcit near Sunway. Hidayah went back kampung the other day and I ordered two from Mak.

The favorite series in TV now is definitely Grey's Anatomy. It is aired on Tuesday 8:30 on NTV7 and the late two or three episode is aired on Starworld70 on Wednesday 9:00. But still think I am not getting enough dose of Grey's. But I just have to write this, the Mark Sloane (sloch or however it is spelt) is actually so HOT and GORGEOUS and STEAMY! Steamier when he confess that he loves Allison, that all before are not just a big bang hot steamy sex. No wonder Shepherd's wife committed adultery. He is like a combination of Leonardo DiCaprio (a matured one) and Brad Pitt. What more can a girl ask for? *Sigh* Who he is anyway? I haven't got time to google him but anyone of you do, please tell me.

Desperate Housewife is getting boring with more and more mystery coming out which will then end up with 'la ini ke yang kau sebuk sebuk kononnya great big mystery'.

One Tree Hill apparently ended up. I didn't get to watch the finale. *sob*

And the irritating House is ending. Thank God! Don't understand why was the Man and Gartblue were so into it.

I was also fed with daily auditions of American Idol which is getting more and more inhuman.

Other than TV, weekdays life is all just that. We left home before sunrise, and reached home around 8:00. Five days in a row dinner shall either be at Mamak, one of the Malay Restaurant and I try to limit once-a-week Fastfood. Therefore I have vowed to cook for the whole weekends. Which I had.

Cerita Kacang

This is the Great Kiddo’s favorite bed-time story.
Is all about getting him, and the parents aware of the fact that he is G6PD.
Plus, getting him aware of the purpose of kacang and their inspirations, to be consumed and become taik.


THERE IS A PACKET OF KACANG INSIDE THE SHOP.
THEY ARE KACANG PARANG, KACANG TANAH, KACANG HIJAU, KACANG BOTAK (ETC)
ONE DAY AZAM ZIKRY WALKED IN AND BOUGHT THE PACKET OF KACANG.
ALL KACANG WERE HAPPY BECAUSE SOMEBODY WILL FINALLY EAT THEM.
WHEN SUDDENLY KACANG PARANG REMEMBERS THAT HE IS DANGEROUS TO AZAM ZIKRY.
SO HE SHOUTS. AZAM ZIKRY DON'T EAT ME.
BUT HE IS SO TINY, AZAM ZIKRY CAN'T HEAR HIM.
SO HE ASKED THE OTHER KACANG TO SHOUT TOGETHER.
BUT OTHER KACANG SAID, IF YOU TELL AZAM ZIKRY, YOU WON'T BE EATEN AND LEFT ALONE HERE.
KACANG PARANG SAID, NEVER MIND AS LONG AS AZAM ZIKRY IS SAFE.
SO THEY SHOUT TOGETHER, 'AZAM ZIKRY DON'T EAT KACANG PARANG, HE IS DANGEROUS BECAUSE YOU ARE A G6PD BOY'.
AZAM ZIKRY HEARD AND SAID, THANK YOU.
SO AZAM ZIKRY EAT THE KACANG TANAH, KACANG HIJAU, BLA BLA.
KACANG PARANG IS LEFT ON THE TABLE, FEELING HAPPY.
SUDDENLY DADDY CAME IN AND SAID, HEY BOY MAY I EAT THE LEFT OVER KACANG PARANG?
SURE DADDY, KACANG PARANG IS DANGEROUS TO ME AS WELL AS NILA, SALICYLIC ACID AND UBAT GEGAT.
SO DADDY EAT THE KACANG PARANG AND FINALLY KACANG PARANG IS HAPPY BECAUSE HE'LL BE SHIT AS THE OTHER FRIENDS.
THE END.

A Son's Blessing

The son was taking picture of his father during the nikah, his father remarry after the mom passed away.

I wanted to focus to the dad and the son and blur out everything else. But this is the best I got.

The Day I Finally Took Out My IUCD

So I have been deferring it for few months. First, I didn’t think I was ready to love another baby as much as the Great Kiddo. Then, with moving house, I didn’t think I want to be pregnant while rearranging potted plants and heavy albums. But most importantly, I still remember the pain I had when they jacked the IUCD up to my uterus and I had cramps all night long which prolonged to the day after. That was why I skipped the first year check up.

Today, however, I decided that I have to embrace the fear. Dr Delaila went for Hajj so her clinic was closed. I decided this morning that today might be the day, plus I am on my fifth day of period so, rang up SJMC during breakfast and made appointment with Dr Christina instead. Finished up my Monthly Report and asked Kamarul to send me to the hospital at 10:45. Waited with fear of pain until 1:10, prayed so hard that the pain will be that muc, then everything happened so fast afterwards. Without I even know it, the equipment was out and I was a free woman!

I did embrace my fear.

1 Goal down. What they say is true, once you tackle one goal down, the world seems like yours and the sky is the only limit you see.

Respect

How many times in a day that you sit down and think through of ways to make other people RESPECT your boss more?
I have that thought everytime I prepare a letter for him to sign.
I bolded his name, sometimes capitalized the whole thing, just to give the impressions to the receiver that he is still here, he is still worth to the company and he is a man who earns the respect.

New Yeah!

New Year passed me by.

Time has really passed me by, leaving me hunting them like ghost. In between moving house, wedding anniversary, Raya Haji, Hamdan leaving for Perth, and kenduri doa selamat time really flew through my whole body cells.

I am still adjusting to the long distance traveling and the early morning wakey session. The Kiddo enjoys the morning traveling, it seems. He opens up his eyes every time we carried him down and starts pointing to cars and lights and towers. Ugghh.. imagine that in the weekends.

The Man and I had a great anniversary celebration. We managed to send the Kiddo away and skipped to the nearest hotel for a dinner for two at Equtorial Hotel, Bangi who served us smashed glass (which they claim plastic) in the mashed potatoes. I got him a Tag Heuer and he got me a nice bracelet with white, red and yellow gold from GoldHeart. He also bought a pair of matching towel for both me and him. I think that’s sweet.

So the New Year really passed me.

People, in and off air were talking about Azam (Resolutions) for the New Year and I jokingly said that I have a great one (the Kiddo’s First name is Azam). As a matter of fact, I try so hard to find some quite time to think about it. I always take some time off for myself to first reflect on the achievement of last year and what more can I improve for the next year. Surprisingly, the time wasn’t on my side this year.

So I’ll do another way round.

Let’s first list on what have I achieved and not last year.

I managed to move house! That is a tough job, man, with the Man trying to possibly bring all things together and keep re-assessing the garbage I’ve thrown.
I managed to, shall I say, successfully guided the three new execs in the Operation Room. They are all fast learners and I am very proud of them. What I didn’t manage is to get the Manager’s tasks rolled down to them. Will tackle that this year.
I didn’t manage to lose weight. I did lose some and gain back.
I patched up with previously-known-as-Miz-Anoi. The whole office seems more bright and positive. It didn’t mean we are close as buddies, but we are okay, working together. I started to see her contribution to the team.
I got through the hard times of facing the Financial Year Audit. I stood by the Finance, however painful they are.
Three large debtors settled their outstanding which has accumulated since 2000. Two more are being chased. Will tackle that this year.
My hair is finally tamed eventhough I missed the curls. It is a lot more softer and easier to handle. My face, however, is getting over-reacting to sun, UV as well as soap. Will get the face treated this year.
This is the roughest year so far with The Man. He had just been promoted and has been super busy. I had sometimes felt neglected and ignored. We had some rows. There were few occasions where he went out-station and I didn’t even try to budge or say no. Didn’t miss him when he was away. But we did sit down and talk about it. I’ve learnt that it takes effort to keep the love burning and it takes a lot more effort to rekindle. I’ve also learnt that if I go for a few days without saying I love yous or hugging him, the next time I wanted to do or say something romantics, it’d feel weirdly odd and funny.



Then what I want:

I want more time in a day. I want to spend time blogging in the mornings, meditation at nights. I want to spend time putting Kiddo to sleep and get back to my own work, reading books or listening to great music.
I want to perform solah with the feelings of really close to Him. Some says, manis beribadah. You know, like when we fall in love with a guy, (preferably your husband), how we think of him whenever we go, and we crazily wrote his names on the note books, I want to be feeling the same kinda of love, if not more special, to Him. I don’t wanna perform Solah blindly, like they say tonggeng terbalik, days and nights but not getting the juice of it. I don’t know, this might sounds crazy, after all these years of sembahyang, chants are just chants. I wanna get deeper.
I want to read more books, mostly romance.
I want to have more sex. It’s odd that the noon after I put this thought on writing, someone told me that women at the age of 30-35 have the highest intensity of wanting sex a.k.a. the horniest. I guess so.
I wanna hang out with good friends and listen to good live music. And most importantly, I want the Man to be there too.
I want to have more time talking to the Man.
I want to start teaching the Kiddo stuffs like abc and 123 and nursery rhymes.
I want to conceive. I want a girl but another boy is fine too.
I want to keep the house clean and tidy, always. I want every inch of the house to be livable and
I want to cook more for the Man and the Kiddo.
I want the Operation becomes much simpler and organized. I want the Customers to understand the Market and the Industry more and oblige the Contractual terms. I want to be wiser with have much patience with them. I realize that the work load this year will be more on the long-term projects thus I gotta be more disciplined in allocating time each day in getting a bit of it done day by day instead of concentrating on the urgent tasks like when I was in the Operation. I also realize that most of the tasks unloaded to me will be connected with pushing others to produce results, I just hope that my leadership qualities shine through.
Oh wtf, yes, I hope to lose a few more kgs. Most of the bras are no longer comfortable, I constantly have bruises whenever I got my period, my feet hurt when I stand for too long either cooking or cleaning up or shopping, waist band of most pants cut me whenever I sit. Losing weight is now for comfort , no longer for beauty.
I want to spend time in the morning more on getting ready. I wanna appear at work with clean and pressed suits, smart and crispy with make-ups on.

Thus, the Resolutions for Year 2007 shall be around that.

Happy New Year!

Coming Back to the Game

A friend had decided and repeatedly announced that he'll be abandoning Clipperseep.blogspot. Apparantely he still feel betrayed that I make peace with used-to-be-Miz-Anoi that easy. He said I melted down so fast after all the nasty things occured between me and her just because of one nice email.

As frustrated as I felt about him, I have to respect that everybody is entitled to his/her own opinion. I leave it all to him. He will admit one day that he and I were close not because we share the same experience of being hurt and stabbed by the same people, but because we were there for each other. Hugs were given whenever we needed, we cried together when one of us is hurt and we cooled each other down. Of course, our friendship is more meaningful than just a session sharing the bitterness felt towards one person.

So, I was screaming and so negative yesterday. Mindworks said that everytime you feel that there is no hope for you, that is the time where you start 'asking' (praying) harder. You may start by listing down all the blessings granted to you. It'll calm you down and 'force' your right brain to clear up all the negativities. So here it is:

1. I got two nice tops at Cat Whiskers (the boutique where AmyMastura shops, which explain why all the sizes were mainly M and S. Idiot! Idiot! What do they think of Malaysian women? Famine instead of feminine? Idiot! Ops.. negative thoughts! Yellow card myself!!)

2. The Man insisted of spending time with the Boy after knowing that the Boy was cranky the night before. I love him more each time he shows effort that time is the best remedy of 'lack of love disease' (penyakit kekurangan kasih sayang).

3. The Man constantly giving clues that he is thinking about the anniversary which is a few more days away.

4. The Sister agreed to look after the Boy and I got time to do the laundry and cleaning up the kitchen.

5. The Man and I enjoyed myself for the furniture browsing. We will get some good deals. I found myself the dressing table which I love and it is so cool! We are talking about sliding mirror with hidden compartment. Cool!

6. I found the dark purple curtain finally that will suit the sheer I bought at Macy for the Master Bedroom. Found it at Tewah the Mines and a lot cheaper than Macy's. Fabric is nicer, and unlike Macy, they have stock!

7. There were rumors about the Bonus for this year and believe it or not, I'll get three months!! Yeahoo! Eventhough the share price is dropping but the bonus definitely will help calming myself down.

With the list, I thank God for the opportunities.
Therefore this is the list of things I want to achieve for these coming few days. I play here the EndResultVideo.

1. By this Friday, 15th, (which is tomorrow!) the Contractor will finish up doing the kitchen cabinet and the three wardrobes. The workers have recovered and the woods are dry by now. The wood color is nice and cool. We'll be moving in by Sunday, with the movers and lorry available.

2. BGL will agree to my comment which will be sent by end of this week. The Debit Note will be raised and they'll pay us by end of December.

I program my right brain that these are achievable and I will let the Universe work things out.

Ciao!

Ooops!

It took so long to post. I pasted my best.

Later will come.

CupidWorks

These are some shots I took during a wedding at Ipoh.

I am proudly announcing that this couple met because of me!

See ? There are other reasons God sent me to Earth other than having that fantasy doing it with the Man dressed in Santa Clause in the Elevator of Parkson Grand Subang Jaya. (how come nobody ever request the details of it? helllllo people!!!)

So, It's Been 30 Days..

When I went to Mindworks course 30 days later, they asked me to set two targets and they guarantee (money back) that it will be achieved. Today is the end of the 30 days.

My targets were:
1. To settle the outstanding disputes with three evendors (back from 03 cases) and finally get paid by 13 Dec (today)
2. To lose 5 kgs (from 55 to 50)

Lemme see whether these are achieved
1. Yes, disputes with two vendors have been settled, but money was not in as per yesterday. One vendor has been stubborn, staff taking leaves and such, and I just got their comment back last Thursday, which I was so busy to look at.
2. I still weigh 55kg!

Look what have I done to achieve those two targets:
1. I've chased like a mad woman, sending emails, warning via fax, I even suggested them to come down from Australia and sit with me but 'their company policy' prevents that.
2. None. I cut rice but piled up whenever at in law's or when Mak coming over. Not a single work-out.

But that is besides the points. Mindworks say the 'do' does not matter, what matters is each morning I sit down to do 'My Daily Programming' which is a sort of meditation cum prayers, then each night I do 'My Daily Cleansing' which is a sort of meditation cum relaxing. Lemme see whether I have done these two rigiously.

1. Daily Programming: I did this religiously after coming to the office. I found quite place to do and follow the instruction exactly. I was a bit sloppy during weekends.
2. Daily Cleansing: None. In 30 days, I might have done around 8 or 9 times. It's hard, u know, to find time to do with the boy around.

If I ever go to Mindworks today and ask for the money back, they'll shoot me down. Aghhh!!! The whole ideas are making me wanting to curse like mad!!

So, in Mindworks too, we learnt that there are times that you won't believe it works and you do this yellow card to your own brain. I know this is the moment where the yellow card is supposed to be flashed to my brain but let me be a victim for a while.

The boy has been cranky yesterday. He cried, refused to let me even take a shower.
The sister who stays with me didn't help much either.
The Man was galavantingly having his own bowling night.
The contractor, despite the large sum of deposits we paid, had not done up the kitchen cabinet. So the 'end result' of me going to work from Bangi by 13 Dec washed down the drain.
The house is in the mess, with boxes around.
The Man and I constantly have arguments about the new house: when to move, whether to clean up the floor before or after the contractor doing work, whether it is safe to let the curtain while contractor doing their job (takut lah contractor curi curtain yang senget tu).
My fridge door (yang sebelah ice tu) was giving way.
It is raining almost every day and all the clothings didn't get dry up.
The friend who move to the HQ is behaving so childish-like. Thrown things back to my face, and refused to understand/listen to our problem righ there.
The Man forgot to place my mobile and wallet into my bag today, despite the few minutes I've asked him to temporarily placed them in their wallets.
I didn't get to blog last weekends. The Man was so busy helping the brothers around.

The whole world is against me!

There you go.
Yellow card later.

For now, I have a staff meetinga t 8:15 and let's just kick and scream to some asses.

Beta!

Yeahoo!!

Thanks to beta, now I can blog again from work.

The ever-so-clever IT department has blocked http://blogger.com, I can't edit nor paste anything from the website.

But since changing to Beta, now the web has been changed to http://beta.blogger.com/ and I can blog, again!

With this I thank GOD for the opportunity.

I am Mad

Can someone just respect my space?

Or at least have the courtesy to say sorry for not being able to afford respecting my space.

Seriously

Seriously, I need my own PC, my own internet connection, my own space!

An Itch and Blogging

God! I had so much things to write... now the mind is all filled with anger and frustration. All ideas are gone, it irked me! The feeling that there are so much more to let go yet there are so much limited time / feeling are fucking irritating!

I just need to blog whenever I wanted.

Couldn't it be entertained?

It's just like the itch that can never be scratched! The feeling stays here , and it is just to bothersome.

Do Not

Do not deter me from posting whenever I have the flows of ideas, because
1. the baby will wake up and need the attention
2. the ideas will stop flowing.
3. the mood'll be gone.

Do NOT!

Second Chance Seconded!

Wow!

I've never received so many reply on any of my postings before.

 

Guess you guys were thrilled and somehow shocked to see that she (previously called MizAnoi) read my post and reacted nicely and humbly to it.

 

You weren't even thrilled to know about my fantasy of doing it with The Man dressed as Santa Claus at the elevator of Subang Parade / Midvalley Megamall. *chuckled*

 

Anyway, a few replies received telling me that you guys were shocked.

 

A few replied giggling that I am finally kantoi! 

 

Quite a few of you were pissed with the fact that I 'bent' so easily.  That her finding the blog had 'server her right'. One almost knocked me out of my car saying that he'll abandon my blog from now on, since that I've bent down so 'much' to her. He said that she has done him the same, and whenever he read my blog, he felt some sort of satisfaction that someone actually know what he is going through.

 

As glad as I feel that there are actually loyal readers of my blog, who understand what I wrote, who believe that what I wrote is true (plus the Santa Claus fantasy), I believe on the second chance.

 

I know I have been mad. I know I have cursed like mad. I know things were not going smooth between me and her.

 

But you guys should take a look at the way she behaves now. She is more composed, more matured.  She is still the same old her, bubbly, talks a lot, jumps in the conversation every now and then, loves talking out loud. But she uses words like sorry every time she jumps in the conversation, she smiles every morning instead of walking through like you are a ghost, and I notice, in a big meeting room, she tried her best not to be seated next to MD. You see, she put effort to become likeable. Doesn't that need a reward? So c'mon, people, reward her for her effort, reward her for being so humble, and reward her, please, with a second chance.

 

I thought that through and figured out that there are lots of factors contributing to it. One, things have calmed down at home. Second, she is now reporting to SBH and SBH is someone whom I respect so much, I look up dearly. SBH is such a big influence to me. He moulded me to become more patient.

 

The other day when we walked into Fitness First, the lady just refused we in just because we didn' have any appointment (despite the calls I made earlier). I could feel the blood boiling and rising up past my ear, when I heard SBH's voice telling me  , "Everytime you lose your temper, you lose your power of negotiation". I remembered the look at his face when he said that, and automatically, I could feel my tense loosened up, and manja-manja, I bent down on the counter, "But adik, can you just please hellppp meeeee...?". It worked. Ena was granted a month free of membership because of that. Should I just shout back at the lady, telling her to fuck the rules of because I called twice that morning, wouldn't think Ena would be granted that free membership.

 

You see, SBH is such a great influence. The way he carried his work, his commitment,  the way he handled people make you wanna be just like him. And that is what ex-MizAnoi turning to.

 

Rohana once told me that she found out that it is true, that your character, your style of working is very much influenced by your boss.

 

I'm glad I have a great character influencing me. And her. (And remember that if you are a BOSS! Yes, BOS, I'm talking about you).

 

Yes, too, I will not call her JazzyJazz or SmirkyFace for now. I guess you readers (after a few replies I received) are not ready to reconcile with her, yet. (Oh what have I done!).  I respect your oppinion and your feeling, and yes, you do have the right on the character-naming in my blog!

 

Second chance, anyone? I seconded!

 

P/s: Isn't anyone interested with the Santa Claus in the Elevator thingy?!!

 

When You Thought Nobody Reads...

I blogged freely. Yeah.. not so freely, there are fantasies about doing it with a husband dressed as santa clause in the Elevator of Parkson or Jusco were never written.
But, I do blogged freely.
All the frustrations, angers were released , that was why I created the Blog in the first place. And I used a webname, The Man also got a webname, the Child however not.

I cursed like mad when I blog.

It occured to my mind many times, how about if someone that I cursed read my blog? What would he/she feel if he/she knows that I was mad at them? Would they be much mad? Would they be suing me? But I blogged anyway

Till yesterday, I received an email from MizAnoi titled, "I am sorry." It started with , "I read your blogsite. I realized that I am MizAnoi".

My heart dropped. The first thing I imagine was, how would she be feeling when she reads all those.

She was so humble. She apologized, and explained certain things. She never knew that certain things she did was hurting me.

I was stunned.

Then I realized that for the past few months, she had never irritated me. She smiled everytime we bumped into each other. The past sometimes resurfaced, but I can't afford to be mad at her because she was nice to me.

I realized that she has changed. Or perhaps I have changed. Or perhaps the MindWorks!

I went to see her afterwork and gave her hug, I deeply had hurt her and I can't help but feeling bad. But she said, it is not a coincidence that I wrote that, that she bumped into my blog, or else she never knew what she did wrong. She explained things happened at home.

We both agreed that we hurt each other that bad because we were close to each other before.

I had admitted that she's brilliant in what she's doing now.(heey puji your enemy was hard).

She happily agreed that she won't buat buat masam to us everytime she was mad and buat us sakit hati.

We both agreed that we can't patch things up and go back to where we started, but the friendship remains.

You see, sometimes, someone you thought is the enemy of your life, suddenly apologizing to you, you somehow have forgotten why were you mad at them in the first place.

She is no longer my MizAnoi. I am yet to find a name. I used to call her JazzyJazz before. Then I chucked that ou. Now, perhaps, SmirkyFace? Cause I think she smirks sweetly.

I just feel so much better. Feel that my sleep is much calmer. Feel that the office smells sweeter.

MindWorks

So Puru and I went to this course called MindWorks for two full days. It's very result oriented, I would say. But all I felt that it was good to be out from the office once a while.

The course was supposed to enhance the ability of our right brain, which is all about creativity instead of logics. So we were given music to dance, color pencils to draw and all sort of things that are fun!

I drew two goals at the end of the course, to be accomplished within 30 days.

1. To clear up the challenging account, to collect all monies and account them properly.
2. To lose 5 kg.

See whether my MindWorks!

Drumstick

Baie and I were texting each other when he was inside defending.

BAIE: I c kaki ayam belanda!
Me: Surely yummy. KFC? Nando's? Kenny Rogers?
BAIE: Very big drumstick. Criss cross like nobody business. Sick!
Me: Entertainment for all the loyar-loyar.
BAIE: Loyar loyar loya....
Me: Aik? Ayam dara pun loya?
BAIE: Not sure about dara, but tua!

Moral of the story:
1. Always sit properly and sopan santun like the old folks are babbling. Especially when you are wearing kain belah.
2. Should you feel like exposing your 'drumstick', make sure it is free of cellulite!

This is a shame to women and fashion.

Sorry ngumpat!

Maaf Zahir Batin

So what does it mean anyway?
People throw away this sentence-of-the-moment when Eid-il-Fitri came closer. But do people really think what it means to them, to those who they apologizing? I have one human being throwing away the ‘Maaf Zahir Batin’ in all the emails she shot out to every ones in the group, including me, but I know deep down that she hates me like mad. So why bother apologizing?

People have synchronized Maaf Zahir Batin with the greetings Selamat Hari Raya (Maaf Zahir Batin is best translated to :Apology from Me, for all the wrong doings I do physically –like biting, punching, kicking- or softly –like hurting one’s heart, say bad things about him/her in front of others- There, hope I had already put that on words correctly). People, even had taken advantage in the event of Hari Raya, to do wrongdoings now and apologize later during Hari Raya. Is that why God created Hari Raya? An opportunity to come even with all the people who you have come across in your life, dearest or not? I doubt so.

For me, Hari Raya is an event where I finally get to see all people whom I love, all people whom had done so much for me and touch their hands or hug them. An event where I am thankful to God for giving me another year of life to see these people once more. And will I be there again next year for them? Then the maaf zahir batin makes sense. I look at their faces and tried to remember if I have hurt them, and whether they’ll forgive me when I die. But it was all faces of love, faces of people who will forgive me who will love me no matter what. I apologized anyway. There are also faces who have hurt the family, have hurt my heart, whose heart I certainly have hurt while thinking I was right, I apologized anyway. It’s meaningless, isn’t it, extending apology and forgiveness when you don’t actually want to look at their faces. It’s meaningless, since I myself have not forgiven me for hurting them, for not forgiving them.

But last year, the Man had taught me the meaning of Hari Raya. He kneeled infront of his only grandma, wishing her selamat hari raya and maaf zahir batin, but he added in things that made the old folk cried, he told her how much he loved her in Bahasa (believe me, expressing in Bahasa is much harder than in English) , “Kami semua sayaang Tuk”. The four words, I felt, was more meaningful than the commonly used Maaf Zahir Batin.

I also have seen distant cousins who don’t speak to each other hugging, or relatives who hadn’t come back for a while, and kneeling in front of their elderlies, just kneeling, crying and sobbing without anywords spoken, brushed it off with a big hug and kisses on both cheeks. No Maaf Zahir Batin was spoken, yet I felt it was more meaningful than Maaf Zahir Batin.

People are right. Most of the times, actions are louder than the words. And Hari Raya is one of the big times.

Selamat Hari Raya!

Stiff Neck

I slept after Sahur for half hour and was frozen to the bed. My shoulder blades ached like mad while I was trying to turn around in order to get up. I screamed for The Man’s attention and he, attentuively, reached out to massage my back. It hurt much.

I asked him to pull me up, he then did so. I remotely walking to the bathroom and get ready to work. Before going out, I told The Man that he needs to send the kiddo to the day-care, he fumbles like he was angry that his sleep was disturbed!

I was furious.

I was in much pain and he ignored me totally!

I drove to work today feeling heavy at heart. He must not loved me this morning. He must no loved me when I am in pain.

(It’s the period kicking!)

Ethics of Blogging

Just spent ten minutes going through the Blogs since 2005 postings and deleted all the company's name replacing it with the ORG. I also took opportunity to abbreviate some people's name.

With the stupid Org's Head, I should be careful of writing any posts. News said that he has been punishing people with minor little discplinary actions and most all of them were sacked.

Hmpfh... talking about sacked, he is the one who has to be sacked!

Coincidence eh?

I buzzed through Pasar Ramadan almost everyday with The Man.

The first one we went was near home, Bandar Sunway's masjid. Two days in a row I saw a mother (Indian Moslem probably) with a 3 or 4 years old kid sleeping on her lap begging for money at the middle of the Pasar. Both days, the little boy was sleeping.

Then this week we went to the one near Subang Jaya (which has really nice terubuk bakar). I saw two mothers, seated separately from each other, both had about the same age of kid on their laps, begging.

Think that is a mere coincidence huh? Wait till your read this.

Yesterday, I went to Pasar Malam Sect 14 PJ, and found one mother (Indian Moslem) with a boy about 3 or 4 years old sleeping on her lap, begging!

All the four mothers were wearing tudung.
All the four kids were sleeping all the time.
All were begging around the same time.

You work the math. Then you tel me whether kids (boys especially) at the age of 3 or 4 prefer to sleep on their mother's lap at around 5:00 - 7:00 or running at playground?

Of course, each mothers dressed differently so did the boys.

My theory was the kids were drugged to sleep.
Arris theory was they were clones.

Have you found any?

Happy Birthday My Son

Today, AZ turns two!!

Thing is, both The Man and I had forgotten that this weeks contains Oct 4th. We had one celebration at In Law's before Ramadhan and have totally forgotten about it. We both realized it yesterday.*sigh* He is just two and we have been bad parents!

Anyway, I invited The Babysitter and family to our house for an after iftar. We will buy a cake (what a birthday without a cake) and sing together tonight.

Hmm.. two years huh. I kissed his forehead and realized that I have loved this little person for two years. It is the best love of my life.

My Organization, My Org

The head of my org, who was relatively new, screwed up big time.

With the intention to save money, his right man, who was also relatively new, did this re-financing without consulting us, the procuring dept, and manage to let go the foot of one of the partners.

That partner was then started asking higher price from us. Of course we refused!

Then the partner was said to seal the office. No more business.

We then ended up buying a company with no operation, and the liability is on us.

Then the head of my org sent this long email to us, after the org was talked about in parliament.
One part was about all the good things company has done to us, which didn't start with him.
One part was about all the lies and intention of hiding the big screw up he did.

Perhaps he forgot to apologize about his behavior who never lift up his head to our people whenever they marched in to his office.
Perhaps he forgot to apologize about his people who are new to us, and did lots of things without consulting us the old people.
Perhaps he forgot to apologize against his stupidity.

Penning My Thoughts on a Pen

Worldly possession kills.
It kills friendship and I was monumentally ashamed of myself.

I just bought a pen, wet blue ink, with 0.5m point for under RM5.00. It is a good pen, and being new, I carried it around with me all the time.

Then there was this meeting yesterday and a friend snatched it away. I was puzzled, then mad. The meeting was at her place, she could have brought her pen. Couldn’t she brought one herself? I was then left with a pen which ink almost finishing. And it was black! I can’t be writing in Black, I am a BLUE girl!!

That went for twenty minutes.

Then I took a look at her across the table and remember the blue, tip point Faber Castell pen she has. She has like a full box of it, she bought them herself I think, I didn’t even ask. I remember how happily she was giving it away whenever people commented how nice it is to write with it. I had two. I saw other girls with the pen, too, which surely came from her.

Then it hit me right there!

How could I be so calculative towards her borrowing my pen? I had another to write on.

How could I behave that way with a person whose heart is so generous?

I was so ashamed of myself I could just kick myself out from the room.

Then I quietly took a cup of coffee for her. A silent apology.

A friendship was almost broken. Over a pen. But a Faber Castell kicked in, and a friendship was saved.

(eee rasa bodoh)

Congratulations Pak Ngah Arris

Today is Arris graduation day. Apak and Mak slept over (after a day out at Nilai yesterday, I bought myself three pairs of kain!) and drove early morning to Unisel at Batang Berjuntai.
He was dressed in red robe. We arrived when they were finally out from the Hall. I quickly shoved him into the Hall to take some picture with the Man's D50 SLR Nikon. Then we took some pictures around as family. I thought I saw tears in his eyes when both Apak and Mak took the picture with him. Three weeks before, his girlfriend of three years just got married. It broke his heart, I know, but he went anyway to the wedding.
At the age of 28, he got his first degree, finally. Alhamdullilah. We knew time wasn't at his side. He took four years to complete his Diploma, was unemployed for almost three years, then took his first degree at Unisel in management.
For me, he was always the brightest boy in the family during childhood. He talked fast and thought fast, too. I think it was his high school that killed his passion, his ideas.
Anyway, past is passed. He is now having a stable job, paycheque was a mere RM1k but he survives. He is the dearest Uncle to my little Azamzikry. In fact, azikry adores him to bits. That what matters, in the end, having a child looks up to you and greets you with screams everytime you come home.
I am just glad that he is home with me, that he had safely graduated, that we are still here for each other.

Clipperseep is listening to: Widuri by Bob Totupuli at In Law's House. Bob is Papa's favorite.
Clipperseep has read the headline today:the RTD is allowing people to personalized their car plate no. I remembered one Mitsubishi Eclipse at IUPUI before with a reg no of 4UNVME (For You To Envy Me). Tot it was a girl car

.

The much talked about newly weds in town

The much talked about newly weds in town : Siti Nurhaliza and Datuk Khalid.

Much has said about them. The latest email I received was about the love bite on her neck. Then about her being ‘charmed’ by her current husband, about how charm has turned her into someone rude and forceful towards the parents. About parents not blessing the marriage.

Sigh..

Couldn’t just people leave the two alone. They are married. And be done with it.

People can never stop wondering about her life, how is she coping with the new role, how is the husband supporting her career. People can’t wait to hear the news of her being pregnant, about whether she’ll prefer a boy or a girl, about what are the name choices she has, would she breastfeed, would she have nannies.

Imagine if your journey to marriage and motherhood are on front pages, almost every week.

Following are the questions they used to ask Siti, and ask yourselves on how would you answer them?

Why do you choose him to be your husband?
What are the values he has?
What are his physical attributes that compelled you to love him?
How long have you been in love with him?
Don’t you think that is too short / too long to get married? Why not married later / sooner?
When will you have your first baby?
What do you think of his parents? What does he think of yours?
Will you still work after getting married?

I’m just glad to be married to the Man.





Clipperseep is listening to: Shania Twain

Another Baby?

The Man has started his bowling league back. I abide.

So, there was mommy yesterday night, with the Greatest Kid On Earth at home, attending to his games of cars and tickles while trying to watch Failure to Launch (Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew McCoughnehey sp??). When he rubbed his eyes repeatedly, I brought him upstairs, changed him and put him to bed. He, as always, twirled around the bed but hands searching mine to hug him.

He, also, didn't wanna go home when Daddy picked him up from Acik's House. He said, 'Tanak..Tanak Daddy.. Mommy?'..

Mommy's boy......

Anyway, The Man has rolled his plan for the Second Greatest Kid On Earth. He said, the second shall be in Standard One when the First one is in Standard Four, at least. So, if Azam Zikry was born in 2004, the second baby get to be born in 2007, meaning I have to conceive .. lemme count.... NOW!!!!

I hesitated to answer, to think or even to conceive. Sex is now postponed or deferred or avoided at 100% all of the time (even with the IUD inside me).

When I looked hard at Azam Zikry's face, I wonder whether I could love another as much as I love him. I wonder whether I would do fair to the second one since I have loved this one so much. I wonder whether I could spend as much time coloring, tickling, dancing and hugging Azam Zikry when his baby sister popped out. ( But I do want a girl.... sigh.... ) I wonder whether Azam Zikry will feel left out, or he'll poke his sister's cheeck continuously to get my attention. I wonder whether I could still juggle with home cleaning, cooking, laundry after coming home at 5:30.

(So, gartblue, how did you do it?)

Or shall I just stop wondering and just do it?

I really wanna do the right thing. I don't wanna spend nine months eyeing the clothes I can't wear, the shoes I can't wear and the caffeine I can't have, feeling whether that was the right thing to do.

Being a super loving mommy makes this hard.

Do I Have That Kind of Friends?

Two of my friends have been investigated by the Internal Affairs Department, of a thing that were forced on them, and of course, they didn't back their back quite well. Therefore, they have received the letters on the charges, and the proceeding for such have been set. The letters were received three weeks before the real Domesti Inquiry happen, and the inquiry is very much the same like any proceeding in a court. two sides, with prosecutors and defences calling up witnesses to examine, cross examine and re-examine. Fooh...! Sounds seriously unknown.
Upon receipt of that letter, we have been scurrying around , looking for evidences, 'lawyer' to defend, procedures and all shits of things. First we know nothing about the procedures. Some of us don't even have the procedure of discpline booklet. Then we must look for the guy to act as the defend lawyer. Since all the Union people went for a yearly retreat, we had to scourge the ones left around. (brilliant, isn't it! finding a time where the Union people is gone to do the Inquiry)
We did n't have the strategies. Then we fought over how to go about it.
I practically breathe throught their charges day and night, to find whether there are loopholes in technicalities, see whether they can win.
We also took leave to work on the defense strategy. We spent weekends to discuss.
Since one of the friends is not an Union member, the defend lawyer gotta take leave durign proceedings which can take up to 20 days.

It hit me hard. Do I have a friend that will take leave just to defend me? Do I have a friend who will drop everything that he does just to come and help me?


Clipperseep is listening to:
Clipperseep has read the headline today:
Moment of day:

Bad, Bad Girl!

So I have not been a good girl.

I popped in Ponstan almost every other day during my period. It's been bad. The cold hit me. The walking hit me too

I drink coffee almost everynight to stay awake after putting Junior to bed. And I did that just to believe it or not, read !!

I made the Man looked after the Junior 2 hours while I Shop at Sunway. Despite the curses thrown silently to the woman I saw the other day giving her 2 months old (sleeping two months old!) to the husband while she went to roam Jusco. Worse still it was actually window shopping. I didn't buy anything for the 2 hours he had to put up with the boy and me feeling guilty, grabbed two pairs of wacoal. Anyways.

My Master card balance had also been left unmonitored .this morning when I checked it is RM43O something ! After the RM one thousand of settlement I sometimes wonder when is this going to end- (it's when u stop swiping u silly)

I also had been a silent bitch with the mother in law. Aftershe refused tv look after Junior for a mere 3 hours I pretend to be really mad at her. I plan not to sleep over hers for at least 6 months, bad girl ain't I?

Brokeback Mountain

Finished seeing the most talked about Brokeback Mountain.

If you see it with a pre judgment, you won't get to enjoy the real juice of the movie . If sex is what you want to see, I am sorry, it's not the kind o ffmovie that will satisfy your appetite.

*oh bythe way, this is tyyped using the pda bluetooth keyboard*

I would interpret the movie in a way that I like. For me it is more like a story of a forbidden love....one is so into living the life, going all out for love.. Another one is in denial, trying to love in secret , feeling guilty to himself, to the family and to God eventually.

I asked the man what he remembered most about Brokeback Mountain. Answered the sex part. I guess for a serious thinker, that’s what u'd answered. Nottin wrong. But to me, this is the scene.

Ennis is leaving for the night and there was Jack, standing idly, fiddling with his toes, feeling sad, the kinda merajuk sad. Ennis came by from behind and softly said,

“Hey you would end up sleeping standing like a horse. That's what my mom used o say. And she used to sing me this song”

Humming softly Ennis put a smile back on Jack's face. He rode his horse away and said I see you I the morning.

I think that's romantic.

I also believe that in a gay couple , there is always the softer partner. Jack is one. While these two can fight, smoke, swear, rodeo, have kids but there is one who needs sheltering and one who tends to protect. I feel we should respect that.

While I am trying to live my life not judging (hey even He waits to the judgment day to judge) I agree that it is not appropriate to be allowed a screening Malaysia (They did not, did they?) I still believe that its not easy to prove that you love God more than the worldly possession and screening it would only encourage those who confused about the sexuality made to believe that they are left with no choice but to face t that they are gays.

God I had so much to write and words just don’t come outright.... Go watch broke back mountain, watch it with open heart and open mind.

Right Cause, Wrong Battle.

Just called kampong and there’s this sharp pain in my tummy and I just have to blog right away.

My dad, after his retirement, has chosen to live a very simple life. He spent mornings in the lands he purchased which he hopes to be our, the children, durians orchards. He came back home for lunch, and spent late afternoon around the house or at the future durian orchards. He spent Maghrib and Isyak in the old surau nearby and came home for dinner, watching F1 or football or currently AF. Except, for certain days, he and his best friend, Pak Cik Mat Som, will go out, sometimes near or far, driving the kereta jenazah to take some bodies back to our small little Lenggong.

The kereta jenazah is actually his prerogative. He worked on the Body to work on the Fund (something named Badan Khairat Kematian and Kebajikan Surau Kampung Masjid Lama Lenggong or something like that), getting the Body regularized and finally get the Fund worked out. We managed to raise some money after a few years, and he managed to secure a second hand ambulance from Hospital Kuala Kangsar. The vehicle somehow, broke down a lot, we spent more money on the maintenance. Until one day, the Tabung Haji big shot passed by the Surau, saw the kampong boys were pushing the dead kereta jenazah, of course without any body in! We then got a brand new vehicle from the Tabung Haji.

So, this is not about my dad.

My dad, at his recent trip, had been to a place further, to pick up a body from a Prison whom had just received his death sentence. If you remember, six years ago, there was this big news about al-Maunah, who took over a school over a hill and killed two people, having in their possession a mountain of army guns. These were people trained in Afghanistan, who fought in the name of God. I’m not denying any injustice or justice done to them. I just believe that it is a Battle with a good-cause but chosen at the wrong place, wrong time and wrong enemy. Wonder how big could they be a help at Labenon, fighting the Israelis, should they be still alive.

Amin, or late Amin shall I say, was raised in Jenalik, the very same kampong where the school was taken over. His father sold Apam Balik at Pekan Sabtu at Lenggong, we bought his many times with him being the sole apam balik seller. His mother organized yearly trips for Umrah. His four accomplices’ sentences has taken place few months ago, but he asked a deferment to see his mother who went for Umrah.

On the day the sentence took place, my father and pakcik matsom departed Lenggong at around 1.30 a.m. Imagine, how sayu it is, the kereta jenazah start moving when the man is still alive. He was hung ( I notice I have been avoiding to use the word hang, I pulled a sigh when I finally wrote one) right after Subuh. They told that he recited Azan and for three short seconds, the room’s light went off. The body was then taken to Hospital for verification and then my dad took him into the kereta jenazah. He was neither kapan-ed nor bathed for the family had asked to perform those themselves.

My dad was moving along the highway, three hours with him, the man who had fought for a battle he believed true, with skin around his neck melecet caused by the ropes that has taken his life.

For a split of moment, I have thrown away all the judgment. I didn’t know whether to feel sad or the feel he-deserved-so. Yes, he has taken two lives. Yes, if we want to play god, we might say that his sins have been washed away receiving such punishment and he died, clear of any. We can’t tell whether his death is syahid, neither can we telling that it’s not. It’s all His rules, His judgment, the Mighty Allah. For all I know, he must have repented for he has been given six years to do so.

And how about us? Do we have six years? Do we know?

Can’t say he is lucky to end his life that way, being given time fight for a battle he truly believed, being given time to repent. But can’t help but feeling so.

My feeling is a mixture of sad and sebak and sayu. Sometimes English doesn’t do justice to me, eh. I just can wish that if the man and his boys are still around, they’ll be jumping at the front line at this very moment at Lebanon, safeguarding the children and the women. Sad, isn’t it, to know that such valuable lives are wasted on a wrong battle.

Or was it a truly wrong one? Who am I to judge…..