I have not given myself some time to mull over the current issue of the Court’s approval of a Catholic publication of using the word of Allah.
Two groups, the Christian and the Moslem have been fighting over on what is right and what is not.
The Moslem felt that their possession and their sole right of the word of Allah is being taken away.
The Christian felt that using the word Allah is just taking a word means God in Arabic to the English language.
Then the Moslem felt that if you want to take the word in Arabic, why Allah, why could you take ar-Rabb which means God? That the God has a name in Islam and the name is Allah. That the Moslems never take the world Jesus as the God’s name because Jesus is simply the name of a Prophet.
Some says it is a political agenda, that some big guns wants to be seen as the martyr of Islamic society in order to win more of Malay’s vote in the coming public election.
Some ponders on why a non Moslem was chosen to judge the proceeding.
Many compares the situation over the Peninsular of Malaysia and the Indonesia and East Malaysia’s Christian teaching where the word of Allah has been used in replacement of God.
Let me type over the implications of the new ruling. You may see these sentences in the Christian publications:
As Jesus as my Allah, …
As Allah exist in the Holy spirit, ….
Those two sentences as above are enough to stir the Malay particularly and the Moslem at large.
And you may see these sentences in the Moslem publications:
The Jesus a.s. was born in Nazareth and had promised that the final prophet i.e. Muhammad p.b.u.h shall be born later.
The sentence as above is not going to stir the Christian since they believe that Jesus is actually the God and they denied the existence and prophecy of Muhammad p.b.u.h.
One ethnic group is stirred and another one is not.
Question is, why is the Moslem stirred?
As a child born in a Moslem society, I was raised to think that Green is my color, Half Moon is my symbol. Therefore when the bad monster or alien is colored in green in any of the cartoon, I was given the impression that the colorist is trying to make the people think bad of the Green consequently to think bad of Islam. In some cases, I heard, the rural areas kids were forbidden to speak English because their parents thought that proficiency in English shall ensure the kids to read the Bible and hence, could get themselves converted easily.
There was I, a Moslem child, heavily protected.
I was taught how to pray 5 times a day, how to fast and read the Quran using the Arabic language. But nobody spoke of me about the syahadah and what it means. I recited the 3-Quls before I went to bed but wasn’t explained about what it meant by the God has no mother, has no son. Explanation was never given to me.
Because explanation will rouse curiosity and for a 7-year old, the curiosity is thought to endangering her belief.
Just when I had my first roommate who is Christian, then I understand that why the Quran repeatedly explained about the onenesss of Allah, that God has no Mother nor Son, he was not born from someone and neither gave birth to someone. You see, I understand a lot more about my God, my Quran and my own religion from other people’s religion’s point of view.
From her copy of Bible, I then understood the concept of Trinity. Really, when I was small, I tough the trinity concept is the statue by the Hindu of one man and three heads. I never thought it is a fraction of my own Religion’s history.
So why wasn’t I briefed about the concept of Christianity since I was small eventhough it was clearly repeated in the Quran? Why was I forbidden from asking question about what are the differences of Nasara and the Jewish? Was it because people don’t have enough explanation? Was it because the topic was a taboo to me? If it has no explanation and if it indeed is a taboo, why was it mentioned in the Quran?
Was I too small to understand?
Why my brain capacity and faith was was underestimated?
Back to topic that stir the nation. I don’t want to write about what is wrong and what is not. You place these two ethnics in the different country, the different outcome will arise. But I do know what is wrong. Wrong is when I heavily protect my kids from all the taboo. By not educating them about the differences of all the other faiths, I expose them to the possibility of their aqidah (faith) to the oneness of God being shaken. They must start young. They must learn about their God from their Book i.e the Holy Quran, not from someone else’s. They must not be confused of who is God and what is the name of their God.
Wrong is when I refuse to answer all their questions and instead, turn away and said, ‘Tak baik Tanya soalan macam tu’ (it’s not nice for you to question that issue).
I will not protect my kids. Their defence system gotta be built from young. They have to be exposed of the existence of other gods in the world, the existence of other faith, other beliefs. From then on, if I die, and if they are forced to live in an environment where there’s nobody to protect them, they can stand on their own and tell them repeatedly, ‘There’s no God but Allah, and he is the only God, and he is neither Mothered nor Mothering, and Muhammad is the Messenger’.
In this country where the politicians play their games out publicly, the kids' defence system is the only way out.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Welcoming 2010. (i need to freshen up)
I am dragging and wrangling my feet over the 1st Jan 2010. And it is already 2nd January. Unlike last New Year, I was very optimistic and ready-to-go, listing things I want to further achieve and listing , proudly, things I have achieved.
Things in 2009 were not that smooth. Well, let’s review so that I can quickly shake off every fatigue satan (yeah yeah great, blame the horny guy) is trying to pour into my brain.
Achievement No. q (and frustration)
I managed to supplement Anna with the best food in the world, the breast milk. Well, I didn’t get to achieve the target of two-year since I was found preggy when she was just over 1 year. Resources have been said that it was okay to still breastfeed the baby when one is preggy but I couldn’t stand the sleep-deprived nights. Mornings during my first semesters were painful, eyes were groggy and I couldn’t concentrate while driving at 6:30 a.m. through the Sungai Besi Highway. That was dangerous and provided me a very valid reason to decide to stop. We weaned her off and she quickly adjusted within three nights. I shed tears. Felt nothing but helpless. How I wish that I could easily take the morning off and left work…
Achievement No. 2 (and further frustration)
I managed to get all the unfinished contracts signed. Well, I didn’t work fast enough to get the approval of my boss. He haunted me, literally, sweeping off all the other mistakes I did into this one big bundle and carried the big sack on his back. He was like a big ferocious bear, ready to sink in his tooth and claws into my flesh everytime I tried to open my mouth on all things. Firstly, I felt that he was just disappointed that I didn’t turn out to be what he expected to be, that is to be him. He was disappointed that I wasn’t careful enough and kept making all the mistakes. I then was disappointed because I felt that I was never good enough to be the ‘child’ that he longed/dreamed of creating. He was disappointed in me. I was disappointed in myself.
I was done giving excuses, mostly to myself. I was done thinking that why should I be blamed in being late finishing other people’s job?
People around me gave opinion on the situation. Some said I was already compensated by him giving me the promotion about 1.5 years ago. Some said I was not to be blamed, that he is a changed man. Some said why should I be blamed on all the mistakes that occur, that is my better-paid Senior Manager or General Manager that should be standing up to the mistakes. But what one tiny boy said to me while I was talking to his dad shook me off, “Kenapa mommy selalu kena marah dekat work mommy?”.
That was it. My son ended it.
Towards the year-end, I was done being disappointing of myself. I got praised by other department’s head, other company’s head but not by the man who groomed me for the past 9 years. I was over it. I was over living a life trying to meet his expectation. Perhaps he groomed a wrong person. Perhaps I was not destined to be him, to think like him, to make decision like his.
So far those are the only two achievements in 2009.
Other than that,
I paused. Taking a pee break.
Oh yeah.. how could I forget that my performance score was slashed down, coming down to one band down. A guy friend caculated the amount of bonus (I mean monetarily) I should be getting before and after the moderation. It is near to RM2k, people. It was mean. It was meaner if you know the reason I was moderated down.
The system is beautiful, you got praised by your immediate manager (who knows how you work and how you clean up for all the unfinished business he did). But the bell curve kills it all. The moderation in my department was done without the existence of my immediate manager.
One department was only allowed to have about 2 people having an outstanding score and of around 2 people to have a very bad score. The rest of us should be standing in between. Apparently my department had too many high scorer and 2 non-performers. The department decided that the 2 non performers should be given a chance since they have not been getting the promotion in 5 to 8 years time. (yeah. we are caring people). Therefore, their scores were raised. And to compensate, to make sure that the bell curve is maintained, to make sure that my No. 1 doesn’t have to do much defending when facing the division’s elimination, the high performers were reduced to only a few. And I faced the music.
And do you know who were the average ( I tak sampai hati nak tulis low or non) performers whose score were raised? The people who can easily call the office taking the day off due to medical condition or emergency reason, people whose punch card you will not see full in the whole week, people who left the immediate manager finishing up the jobs they left on the tables. And the person who risk the health of the baby in her womb by gulping down a whole mug of coffee every morning just so that she can drive at 6:40 through sungai besi highway is the one who has to sacrifice for these people.
The RM2K is not the only reason I was pissed. I also found out that by being moderated, I missed out the boat of getting promoted through the faster lane. That it will take 2 more years for me to achieve a RM6.5k salary. A friend switched job and he got an immediate increment of Rm2k salary. Me? I was here and still here and gained my pathetic 4% increment every year.
Yes, when I want to talk about numbers, I WILL talk about the numbers.
When one loses the drive to excel due to lack of pat at the back, it’s only the monetary rewards that one looks for.
I am now not ashamed to say that I do look out for money. That money is what my children need to survive after high school. That money is what I believe I need to get my parents happier.
Money takes over loyalty.
Loyalty to the department I believed was rewarding me in the correct way. Loyalty to the man who groomed me to be the person I am today. Loyalty to the company whom I believed was fighting for the benefit of the good outlook of the economy.
Other than that, 2009 is a year of:
I didn’t get to watch a full season of any series.
Very few blog entries.
Sleep deprived nights.
I didn’t get to read a book (chic lit nor autobiography) a week. I hardly do a book a month.
Spending my own money (berhutang pulak tu) to buy a notebook on my own to do office work both at home and at WORK.
Giving away my desktop to my clerk so that he can work faster.
Avoiding mom talking about her depression.
Defending the choice of sending Azeuchry to the kindy that teaches him solat rather than SmartReader with the Man’s mom.
Going to bed at 9:30 every nights or the children will wake up looking out for mommy.
And also, 2009 is a year of:
Learning how the unit trust works and how can I achieve the target sets for my children’s education fund easier and safer.
Taking mom and dad to shop at Bandung.
Realizing that protection cum investment is slow.
Discovering that doggy is the best position. (yeah that is the best finding of the year)
Founding my skill in baking (and burning) and world of buttercream.
Knowing that my husband looks so much handsome compared to my high school sweetheart or my childhood crush. Not bad eh si sepet yang aku kawin ni.
So I do have some positive things with 2009. Pretty impressive.
My wish for 2010:
I wish that Anna will stop waking up crying two times in a night due to bad dreams.
I wish that Azuechry throws very few tantrums and eats well.
I wish that Azuechry recovers from his asthma forever.
I wish my sinuses problem go away.
I wish that my ammonia-spewed down under stops doing the gross thing every time I sneeze.
I wish that mom and dad are healthy so that I can send them to Perth by August. Make it March.
I wish that I could have a little bit more energy so that I can get up and blog or surf after the kids doze off. (like tonight. tonight is like one of the 6 nights in the past 12 months that I can stay up until 12:00)
I wish I could live without coffee.
My plan for 2010:
1.Must spend everynight with Azeuchry doing homework or Kumon workbook to prove to Man’s mom that I can make my son reads before he starts Primary 1.
2.Must breastfeed the newest member of the family exclusively for her first 6 months. Targetting 2 years before weaning her off.
3.Train the new executives well to take up my job (so that I can go on maternity leave peacefully and perhaps look out for a new job after that)
4.Work as an average person and go back everyday at 5:15 sharp. Make sure that my average target of performance score is met. I am not targeting the highest score anymore knowing I will be slashed down later.
5.Completing my resume and submit it to at least three online job seeking website.
6.Ignore the whining colleagues.
7.Stop bickering about the bosses. I have formed my opinion, learned a tough lesson and its time to shut up and move on (my way).
8.Start baking as soon as the nausea goes away.
9.Lose weight after the pregnancy, like I did after I had Anna.
10. Keep hair longer.
Welcome 2010. I shall start slow this year, professionally.
Personally, it’s gonna be a great year of losing prenatal weight and looking hotter in a new bod and new hair!
Things in 2009 were not that smooth. Well, let’s review so that I can quickly shake off every fatigue satan (yeah yeah great, blame the horny guy) is trying to pour into my brain.
Achievement No. q (and frustration)
I managed to supplement Anna with the best food in the world, the breast milk. Well, I didn’t get to achieve the target of two-year since I was found preggy when she was just over 1 year. Resources have been said that it was okay to still breastfeed the baby when one is preggy but I couldn’t stand the sleep-deprived nights. Mornings during my first semesters were painful, eyes were groggy and I couldn’t concentrate while driving at 6:30 a.m. through the Sungai Besi Highway. That was dangerous and provided me a very valid reason to decide to stop. We weaned her off and she quickly adjusted within three nights. I shed tears. Felt nothing but helpless. How I wish that I could easily take the morning off and left work…
Achievement No. 2 (and further frustration)
I managed to get all the unfinished contracts signed. Well, I didn’t work fast enough to get the approval of my boss. He haunted me, literally, sweeping off all the other mistakes I did into this one big bundle and carried the big sack on his back. He was like a big ferocious bear, ready to sink in his tooth and claws into my flesh everytime I tried to open my mouth on all things. Firstly, I felt that he was just disappointed that I didn’t turn out to be what he expected to be, that is to be him. He was disappointed that I wasn’t careful enough and kept making all the mistakes. I then was disappointed because I felt that I was never good enough to be the ‘child’ that he longed/dreamed of creating. He was disappointed in me. I was disappointed in myself.
I was done giving excuses, mostly to myself. I was done thinking that why should I be blamed in being late finishing other people’s job?
People around me gave opinion on the situation. Some said I was already compensated by him giving me the promotion about 1.5 years ago. Some said I was not to be blamed, that he is a changed man. Some said why should I be blamed on all the mistakes that occur, that is my better-paid Senior Manager or General Manager that should be standing up to the mistakes. But what one tiny boy said to me while I was talking to his dad shook me off, “Kenapa mommy selalu kena marah dekat work mommy?”.
That was it. My son ended it.
Towards the year-end, I was done being disappointing of myself. I got praised by other department’s head, other company’s head but not by the man who groomed me for the past 9 years. I was over it. I was over living a life trying to meet his expectation. Perhaps he groomed a wrong person. Perhaps I was not destined to be him, to think like him, to make decision like his.
So far those are the only two achievements in 2009.
Other than that,
I paused. Taking a pee break.
Oh yeah.. how could I forget that my performance score was slashed down, coming down to one band down. A guy friend caculated the amount of bonus (I mean monetarily) I should be getting before and after the moderation. It is near to RM2k, people. It was mean. It was meaner if you know the reason I was moderated down.
The system is beautiful, you got praised by your immediate manager (who knows how you work and how you clean up for all the unfinished business he did). But the bell curve kills it all. The moderation in my department was done without the existence of my immediate manager.
One department was only allowed to have about 2 people having an outstanding score and of around 2 people to have a very bad score. The rest of us should be standing in between. Apparently my department had too many high scorer and 2 non-performers. The department decided that the 2 non performers should be given a chance since they have not been getting the promotion in 5 to 8 years time. (yeah. we are caring people). Therefore, their scores were raised. And to compensate, to make sure that the bell curve is maintained, to make sure that my No. 1 doesn’t have to do much defending when facing the division’s elimination, the high performers were reduced to only a few. And I faced the music.
And do you know who were the average ( I tak sampai hati nak tulis low or non) performers whose score were raised? The people who can easily call the office taking the day off due to medical condition or emergency reason, people whose punch card you will not see full in the whole week, people who left the immediate manager finishing up the jobs they left on the tables. And the person who risk the health of the baby in her womb by gulping down a whole mug of coffee every morning just so that she can drive at 6:40 through sungai besi highway is the one who has to sacrifice for these people.
The RM2K is not the only reason I was pissed. I also found out that by being moderated, I missed out the boat of getting promoted through the faster lane. That it will take 2 more years for me to achieve a RM6.5k salary. A friend switched job and he got an immediate increment of Rm2k salary. Me? I was here and still here and gained my pathetic 4% increment every year.
Yes, when I want to talk about numbers, I WILL talk about the numbers.
When one loses the drive to excel due to lack of pat at the back, it’s only the monetary rewards that one looks for.
I am now not ashamed to say that I do look out for money. That money is what my children need to survive after high school. That money is what I believe I need to get my parents happier.
Money takes over loyalty.
Loyalty to the department I believed was rewarding me in the correct way. Loyalty to the man who groomed me to be the person I am today. Loyalty to the company whom I believed was fighting for the benefit of the good outlook of the economy.
Other than that, 2009 is a year of:
I didn’t get to watch a full season of any series.
Very few blog entries.
Sleep deprived nights.
I didn’t get to read a book (chic lit nor autobiography) a week. I hardly do a book a month.
Spending my own money (berhutang pulak tu) to buy a notebook on my own to do office work both at home and at WORK.
Giving away my desktop to my clerk so that he can work faster.
Avoiding mom talking about her depression.
Defending the choice of sending Azeuchry to the kindy that teaches him solat rather than SmartReader with the Man’s mom.
Going to bed at 9:30 every nights or the children will wake up looking out for mommy.
And also, 2009 is a year of:
Learning how the unit trust works and how can I achieve the target sets for my children’s education fund easier and safer.
Taking mom and dad to shop at Bandung.
Realizing that protection cum investment is slow.
Discovering that doggy is the best position. (yeah that is the best finding of the year)
Founding my skill in baking (and burning) and world of buttercream.
Knowing that my husband looks so much handsome compared to my high school sweetheart or my childhood crush. Not bad eh si sepet yang aku kawin ni.
So I do have some positive things with 2009. Pretty impressive.
My wish for 2010:
I wish that Anna will stop waking up crying two times in a night due to bad dreams.
I wish that Azuechry throws very few tantrums and eats well.
I wish that Azuechry recovers from his asthma forever.
I wish my sinuses problem go away.
I wish that my ammonia-spewed down under stops doing the gross thing every time I sneeze.
I wish that mom and dad are healthy so that I can send them to Perth by August. Make it March.
I wish that I could have a little bit more energy so that I can get up and blog or surf after the kids doze off. (like tonight. tonight is like one of the 6 nights in the past 12 months that I can stay up until 12:00)
I wish I could live without coffee.
My plan for 2010:
1.Must spend everynight with Azeuchry doing homework or Kumon workbook to prove to Man’s mom that I can make my son reads before he starts Primary 1.
2.Must breastfeed the newest member of the family exclusively for her first 6 months. Targetting 2 years before weaning her off.
3.Train the new executives well to take up my job (so that I can go on maternity leave peacefully and perhaps look out for a new job after that)
4.Work as an average person and go back everyday at 5:15 sharp. Make sure that my average target of performance score is met. I am not targeting the highest score anymore knowing I will be slashed down later.
5.Completing my resume and submit it to at least three online job seeking website.
6.Ignore the whining colleagues.
7.Stop bickering about the bosses. I have formed my opinion, learned a tough lesson and its time to shut up and move on (my way).
8.Start baking as soon as the nausea goes away.
9.Lose weight after the pregnancy, like I did after I had Anna.
10. Keep hair longer.
Welcome 2010. I shall start slow this year, professionally.
Personally, it’s gonna be a great year of losing prenatal weight and looking hotter in a new bod and new hair!
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